* * *
A man stood still under the scorching sun, his flowing garments draping over his pale skin.
His back was turned to Sia, as if he had stepped right out of a dream.
The desert swallowed his feet with each passing moment, yet his posture remained unwavering.
The wind carried grains of sand through the air, and though Sia knew this was only a dream, his body instinctively raised a hand to shield his face.
As he turned, his gaze landed on the man—and in that instant, his eyes widened beneath his turban.
Though most of his face was hidden, Sia recognized him by his eyes alone.
“Why are you looking at me like that? Do you need a favor or something?”
“…No.”
It had been years since he had last appeared in a dream.
And now, finally, he had come.
Sia, no longer a boy but a young man, stepped forward as if entranced.
Vivisian simply watched him approach, neither fleeing nor fading away.
Sia’s gaze held a mix of lingering resentment—Why only now?—and quiet gratitude—At least you’re here.
‘Vivi… is it really you?’
The words never made it past his lips.
The weight of countless silent questions melted away on his tongue, dissolving before they could take Siape.
Then, Vivisian lifted the turban shielding him from the sun.
Aside from his hair being slightly shorter, he looked exactly the same as the last time Sia had seen him.
Still pale, still red, still black.
Like a painting crafted with painstaking contrast, designed to evoke a visceral reaction.
His beauty, already burned into Sia’s memory, had only grown more unbearable over time.
A faint scar peeked out from beneath his hairline, shifting with the desert breeze.
Sia couldn’t tear his eyes away.
Vivisian, noticing his lingering gaze, tilted his head slightly in curiosity.
Though still pale, the heat had lent a slight flush to his skin, making him look more alive than ever.
“Then why that expression? Are you unwell? I knew the desert would be too much for you…”
…‘Sia’?
‘No—why did he call me ‘Young Master’ instead?’
The unfamiliar title pulled Sia back to his senses.
At last, he questioned the dream itself.
Though his mouth refused to voice any doubts, his mind spun with endless speculation.
A long time ago, he had dreamed of running away with Vivisian, wandering the world together.
Perhaps that was why he was seeing this now.
Just as Sia managed to steady his thoughts, Vivisian smiled.
A breathtaking smile—one that immediately shattered Sia’s fragile composure.
The first time in years.
Vivisian, oblivious to the impact of his laughter, spoke with a tenderness reserved for soothing a child.
“Young Master, it’s best if you turn back for now. If you want, I’ll even return the commission fee. I can bring you back to the desert another time. If you collapse out here, I’ll be the one dealing with all the trouble.”
His lighthearted tone was unfamiliar, but his gentle gaze remained unchanged.
When ‘Sia’ said nothing, simply standing there in silence, Vivisian held out his pinky finger and smiled once more.
A promise.
Draped in white from head to toe, with nothing but a single sword at his waist, he wore no extravagant adornments.
The only accessory he had was a simple thread bracelet—worn and frayed with age.
Sia’s eyes lingered on the bracelet before slowly looking up.
Dressed like a commoner, he looked far happier than he ever had in silks and finery.
The desert stretched endlessly, barren and lifeless.
The wind occasionally stirred the sand, momentarily obscuring the world.
Yet there, standing against it all, Vivisian smiled.
The gentle curve of his eyes, the deep gleam in his gaze, the subtle rise and fall of his breath—each one proof that he was alive.
Sia was overwhelmed by a fierce impulse to swallow every breath escaping through those lips.
He couldn’t help it.
Right now, what he saw before him was a sight he had never witnessed in all the months they had spent together—a vibrant, lively expression.
Vivisian often smiled when he was with Sia, but he had never looked so endlessly radiant, so alive.
The bitterness of that realization left Sia at a loss.
Then, from between those slightly parted, rosy lips, a soft voice emerged.
“Don’t be stubborn. Let’s go back together, young master.”
And the moment the words he had always dreamed of hearing—let’s go back together—were spoken, Sia felt as if the world had been recreated.
Memories he had long forgotten piled up one by one upon his body, like dunes of sand carried by the wind and forming before his eyes in an instant.
As if they had always been there from the start, his lost memories surfaced.
The sand beneath his feet, which he had barely been standing on, collapsed in an instant.
He felt as though he were falling, endlessly, downward and downward.
‘Don’t long for me too much. Don’t hold on to me for too long. I’ve lived long enough as it is.’
‘I will offer the rest of my life. Please… Vivisian, make him happy.’
[The fragile human mind cannot withstand regression. I will bind your memories until the day you come of age. Do not worry. These memories are precious only to you—they mean nothing to me. I do not covet your memories, nor will I break my promise. You have paid the proper price, just as I turned a blind eye when you rewound the world.]
The divine hand that had once suppressed his memories, deeming them too much for a mere human to bear, had now released them all.
He remembered the death of the one before him and the moment he had sacrificed everything to bring him back to life.
He remembered the countless crises and moments of despair that had led up to that point.
He remembered the relief of knowing that what remained of his life would be spent ensuring Vivisian’s happiness.
He remembered facing death time and again, confirming it over and over.
And just like that, as soon as all those memories resurfaced, the dream ended mercilessly.
Like a handful of sand slipping away unnoticed, the dream of Vivisian’s smile—the moment that was both past and future—scattered into nothingness.
Sia woke as if he had been thrown out of a dream, convulsing in silent shock the moment he opened his eyes.
Eventually, he tumbled off the bed, hitting the floor with a thud.
The noise was loud enough to startle the attendants waiting outside, accustomed as they were to Sia’s frequent nighttime seizures.
Soon enough, there was the sound of a door creaking open, and Sia Sharply called out.
“I’m fine. Don’t come in!”
“But…”
A hesitant voice slipped through the slightly open door, prompting him to reply in a calmer tone.
“I just fell out of bed in my sleep. Nothing happened. Don’t come in.”
At his composed response, the presence beyond the door lingered for a moment before retreating.
Sia held his breath until he heard the door shut completely.
Only then did he exhale the breath he had been holding, collapsing onto the floor.
Panting like a wounded beast, he clawed at his chest.
“It hurts…”
A pained murmur slipped from his lips.
He squeezed his eyes shut, tears trailing down his tense features.
His heart pounded violently, as if it might burst at any moment.
Vivisian had died.
He had wanted to die too—but never once had he thought of life itself as unbearable.
Yet now, with one life layered upon another, a suffocating weight unlike anything he had ever known pressed down on him.
A life that had already ended had now overlapped with the one he was living.
It wasn’t until dawn broke, after enduring hours of agony, that Sia finally calmed.
When Sia Hesiah—both names now one—opened his eyes, somewhere else, someone else also awoke from a long, long sleep.
✽ ✽ ✽
It wasn’t difficult to realize that I had woken up in my own body.
What was strange, however, was that my corpse had not only remained intact all this time but had been laid to rest neatly in a bedroom.
That was somewhat disconcerting.
Then again, considering the circumstances, it wasn’t entirely incomprehensible.
No, this wasn’t surprising at all.
I had died—only to be seized by a god and told that I couldn’t die yet because of a deal I had made.
Given that, there was no reason to doubt that my body had remained unharmed and that I had now returned to it.
Lying still, I blankly stared at the familiar ceiling above me.
[You must live for one more year. If, after that time, you still wish to die, I, Dolor, will personally take your life. But until then, you cannot die. Do as you wish. Your predetermined fate has been severed, so you may go wherever you please. I recall hearing that you once enjoyed traveling. The world is vast. Since you will not die, why not turn your thoughts away from death? It will be better for you.]
‘What a crazy bastard.’
I muttered under my breath.
Despite my blasphemous thoughts, no divine punishment struck me down.
I almost wished it would—if the heavens had sent down their wrath and killed me outright, that would have been a mercy.
But instead, I was still here.
Slowly, I sat up.
* * *
hioh boy