* * *
In truth, the grip Vivi had on Sia’s hand wasn’t particularly strong.
But with most of his senses dulled, Vivi didn’t realize it.
He simply thought Sia had accepted his death.
“Don’t miss me too much… or hold on too long. I’ve lived long enough as it is.”
That’s why he spoke of his death a little more lightly.
Sia gave no reply to those words. He merely pressed his face into Vivi’s palm, eyes shut tight.
It was a bit of a shame—not feeling Sia’s warm breath anymore.
Falling asleep while listening to his breathing would’ve been nice.
“Sia, how long do you think you’ll miss me?”
“…For a very long time.”
The answer came without even a moment’s hesitation, making Vivi smile faintly.
Crimson blood suddenly welled up between his red lips.
The doctors, who had been desperately trying everything to keep his heart functioning, even as it began to shut down, had already guessed how this would end.
They were bowing low, their foreheads nearly touching the cold stone floor.
Vivi caught a glimpse of them and muttered like a sigh.
“Just in case… don’t take it out on the doctors.”
“I won’t.”
“Yeah, I figured. You’re kind like that.”
He said it casually—an evaluation no one had ever dared say to Sia before—while chuckling.
“It’s a bit of a shame, though. We had so many places we promised to go.”
He said it was a shame.
But there wasn’t any visible regret in his eyes, the kind that comes with true longing.
Sia, quick to recognize that Vivi was saying this to comfort him, let out a hollow chuckle and nodded.
Vivi tried to imagine Sia from Hesia’s face.
That bold boy whose hobby was fighting and always talked about who he’d brawled with that day.
The cute kid who easily got lonely and clung to him.
The boy with soft pink hair, who must’ve been sensitive, sharp-tongued… and utterly lovable.
“It’s a bit sad I never got to see your younger face.”
“I’m sad I never saw you back then, either.”
“I was the same as I am now.”
“Still… when we talked, I wondered what kind of expression you had on your face….”
Sha had lifted his head from Vivi’s palm and murmured this while brushing a hand across his cheek.
Vivi couldn’t feel it anymore, but he could still sense that Sia’s touch was gentle and careful.
“I always smiled. talking with you, Sia, was always such a joy.”
Every single word of that sentence was soaked in sincerity—from the first breath taken into the air to the very last syllable.
“Sia, I know you might not believe me, hearing this only now, when I’m already leaving… But since this is the last time, I’ll say it. I missed you, too. I really loved you.”
“…Vivi.”
“Remember the boy named Sia who loved me.”
Perhaps forever.
That was the last thing Vivi whispered, with a smile on his lips, before closing his eyes.
Sia stared at that peaceful face for a very, very long time.
Even when the doctors began pleading to be spared, even when the attendants and maids who’d grown familiar with Vivi wept, even when the Grand Duke, hearing the news late, came rushing in with no regard for his dignity—Sia remained where he was.
“Hesia.”
Only when the Grand Duke called his name with a trembling voice did Sia finally return to reality.
Instead of turning around, he pressed his lips reverently to the forehead of the one lying before him.
A love so deep, so vast it couldn’t be summed up with the mere word love, filled the room.
Everyone present felt it so densely they could barely breathe.
But Sia’s face remained composed in the center of all that overwhelming emotion.
“…Every time I saw Vivi standing alone in the garden full of blue hydrangeas, I imagined taking a journey with you. To a place with no one else, where no one knew who we were… I wanted to tell you there, once you knew I was in love with you, that I’ve loved you for a very long time. That this time, you were wrong about me. That my feelings weren’t shallow at all.”
He lifted his lips from Vivi’s forehead and kissed his closed eyelids, cheeks, the bridge of his nose, lips, and chin in turn.
Each kiss full of affection, love, longing—and a hint of resentment.
Yet his touch, even in grief, remained nothing but tender, as he gently caressed Vivi’s now-cold cheek.
The slight tremble in his fingertips revealed his despair.
Because of that careful restraint, no one dared approach Sia.
It felt like he was slowly becoming untethered from the world, and he whispered:
“They say far in the east, there’s a place where blue hydrangeas bloom beautifully.”
It was hard to imagine, having only read about it, but from the descriptions, it seemed like an incredibly beautiful place.
It took a long time to get there, so he hadn’t brought it up.
But he’d once thought, if the chance came, he would plan a trip timed to arrive there on Vivi’s birthday.
So they could go together.
“It’s a place so far that even you, Vivi, never got to go. I wanted to take you there.”
With you by my side…
His composed voice, which had held out just barely until now, finally cracked beyond repair.
The calmness etched into him through years of training crumbled completely in the face of a single death.
“Wait for me there. I’ll come. Oh, but… I don’t know if Vivi even knows how to get there…. Or maybe the desert where we first met—that’s fine too. Let’s meet there. Anywhere is fine. I already went with you once, so I know exactly what it’s like. I’ll come find you. I’ll come to you.”
Hesia couldn’t bring himself to say wait for me.
All he could do was repeat that he would be the one to find Vivi.
Tears streamed down his face, breaking the calm mask he had worn.
The midday sunlight poured down upon the two of them.
“You know… I used to imagine it sometimes. An eternity with you. Not you staying by my side, but me staying by yours… and that being our eternity.”
Light and tears filled his bluish-grey eyes.
The Grand Suke, watching from a distance, unable to approach, saw the despair and longing in Sia’s eyes.
Even while accepting Vivi’s death, he still wished Vivi could remain by his side forever.
Sia smiled, his voice slightly high-pitched and sensitive—like he was back in the moment they first met.
“I always knew you’d leave me someday.”
Not even someday—I knew it from the beginning, he murmured, carefully brushing Vivi’s hair.
Maybe it was thanks to Sia combing it so meticulously every morning and night.
It slid between his fingers without a single tangle.
With lowered eyes, Sia slowly bent down.
He rested his forehead atop Vivi’s unmoving heart and gently closed his eyes.
“I knew, so I’m really okay. Vivi, I really am okay.”
There was no heartbeat in his ear.
But Sia imagined it anyway, letting the memory of that familiar sound play over the silence.
And he cried without a sound.
The place where their faces touched grew damp with tears.
Pressed against the cooling body that never turned lukewarm—only colder—Sia whispered:
“I won’t bother you. Just meet me again. I’ll come find you. You don’t even have to wait. Let’s meet again. In that white desert.”
‘Baby, don’t curse.’
‘Just… because I like you.’
‘Why, do you think I’m too pretty?’
‘Tell me you’ll give your love to me, Hesia.’
‘You can be that peaceful angel.’
“Peaceful, warm, untouched by anyone…”
‘Oh, right. Hesia, happy birthday.’
“At the edge of the world, where our footprints quickly vanished. Again, again…”
“Remember the boy named Sia who loved me.”
The sweet words, like candy given to comfort a crying child, refused to leave his ears.
Sia, unable to bear it anymore, cried out loud like a child who had lost something precious.
As if gathering up something broken and cradling it close, Sia held Vivi in his arms and stammered out his words.
“…I like you. I like you. So, so much… I love you. I miss you. I miss you, Vivi.”
Sunlight poured over the man weeping as he confessed to a loved one who was already dead.
The person in his arms remained silent, and those watching the two couldn’t utter a single word.
Sia, standing in the center of life, kissed the one who had already stepped into death.
Their first kiss was bitter, and tasted salty with tears.
Thinking it was a complete mess, Sia laughed and cried in turns.
Resting his forehead against Vivi’s cold cheek, Sia mumbled the words he had been too much of a coward to say before.
“I liked you so much. I loved you so much.”
Of course, Vivi didn’t answer.
As he desperately traced the features of the dead man’s face, Sia let out a bitter laugh.
“What am I supposed to do if I miss you this much….”
His murmurs settled in the quiet room like sunlight, scattering silently in all directions.
Like light falling gently onto a rug only to shatter into nothing, like something that could never be put back together.
Like how the breath of the dead couldn’t be gathered again to bring them back.
As Sia reflected on the things that could never be undone, he quietly lowered his eyes.
Carefully retracing the lines of the dead man’s face, he was slowly sinking into despair.
“I’ll never be able to love anyone again. Not because of the pain of parting, but because I loved you too deeply. I won’t dare to love anyone else.”
You wouldn’t say anything even if I found happiness with someone else.
But can someone who couldn’t even say ‘I love you’ to the one he loved really deserve to be happy with anyone else?
Having come to terms with the loneliness of this final farewell, Sia gave a faint smile and began to hum the lullaby Vivi often sang to him.
White sunlight fell upon their pale faces.
The scene, where the dead man looked like there were two of him, caused the Vivisian to unknowingly call out to Sia.
At that, Sia offered a faint smile as if to say he was okay and leaned forward.
“Good night, my love….”
* * *
