* * *
“Why are you yelling at me?”
My sister looked at me with teary eyes.
“Oppa. Is this my fault?”
To calm my younger sibling, I tried patting their shoulder, but suddenly, the sound of sobbing filled the car.
It was my mom, who had burst into tears.
Her crying grew louder.
This was the first time I saw her crying so sorrowfully.
“Mom, what’s wrong…?”
My sibling reached out towards the passenger seat, crying along.
Mom covered her face with one hand while pushing my sibling away with the other.
The car quickly became stuffy.
I rubbed my face with my hands.
For the first time since coming down from Masan, I felt overwhelmed.
I wished this was all a dream.
I wanted to go back to Seoul.
I couldn’t live like this.
Until now, I hadn’t had time to grasp the situation properly.
Everything had happened so suddenly that I hadn’t even had the time to face this misfortune.
Will there ever be a day when I feel happy living here?
Or will it always be like this?
Fighting every day, mom holding back her tears and occasionally breaking down, dad getting angry.
Will this be our life?
Will we never go back to the way things were?
I don’t think I can endure this.
Dad, his neck turning red, yelled out.
“Why are you acting like this too? Stop crying in front of the kids!”
I bit my lower lip so hard it hurt.
I barely held back from shouting that it wasn’t mom’s fault and to stop blaming her.
Just then, dad’s phone rang loudly.
Everything was a mess.
Dad glanced at the screen and ignored the call.
But the phone rang again.
Mom, still sobbing, spoke irritably.
“Answer it. It keeps ringing.”
“Ignore it.”
Lately, dad often went to the rooftop to take calls around this time.
A third call came shortly after, and mom picked up dad’s phone.
“Who’s Kim Sarang?”
“It’s nothing.”
“Nothing? Who is it? Should I answer it?”
“Leave it alone.”
I felt nauseous.
“Since you’re not answering, they keep calling! Who is it?!”
“For god’s sake, why are you bothering me while I’m driving? It’s just someone I work with. They probably have something to ask.”
“Do you have another woman?”
A brief silence followed.
Mom called out to dad like a scream.
“Dad!”
Dad quickly swerved the car to the side of the road.
My sibling buried their face in their knees, crying.
Dad turned towards mom and spoke in a much softer voice than before.
“Why are you doing this in front of the kids? Calm down.”
“Are you even human?”
“Eunji.”
“Ah!”
Mom screamed and started hitting dad’s shoulders and chest with her fists.
Dad tried to grab mom’s wrists but failed.
Dad crouched and yelled.
“Are you crazy?!”
Mom kept hitting dad until she was out of breath.
My sibling’s crying grew louder.
“Yeah! I’m crazy! How could you think of cheating while living off my brother’s house? Are you even human? You’re an animal!”
“It’s a misunderstanding. I’m not cheating.”
“Don’t I know you? I should have divorced you when you were fooling around with that assistant or whatever she was.”
“You’re saying anything in front of the kids…”
“Stop pretending to care about the kids. If you really thought about them, you wouldn’t do this.”
“I told you it’s a misunderstanding. Why won’t you listen?”
“You always say that. You like making me look crazy, don’t you? When your company went bankrupt and we had nowhere to go, all your relatives turned away except my brother who took us in. How could you do this to me…?”
Mom’s voice trailed off.
She seemed about to burst into tears again.
Then dad suddenly turned his head and looked at me.
“Kim Hyunoh, talk some sense into your mom.”
I avoided dad’s gaze, my mouth tightly shut.
What was I supposed to say?
Was he asking me to make excuses for him?
To defend him as a fellow man?
Mom’s eyes soon turned to me too.
“Yeah. You tell me. Did dad do anything strange?”
I hesitated whether to mention dad going to the rooftop every night to take calls.
Two pairs of glaring eyes were fixed on me.
My sibling grabbed my left knee and shook it gently, as if urging me to do something.
But I didn’t have any solutions for this situation either.
My head throbbed.
If I lied, would mom not cry?
Or was telling the truth the right thing to do for mom?
Was dad really having an affair with that woman named Kim Sarang?
How long had it been since we came to Masan?
I felt sick.
“Kim Hyunoh.”
“Kim Hyunoh!”
When mom and dad called me at the same time, my headache reached its peak.
On impulse, I threw the car door open and stepped outside.
Dad shouted, calling me back.
I couldn’t hear him.
I just wanted to get away from that van as quickly as possible.
Whether I spent the night at an internet café or on the streets, it would be better than a night in that sauna with my family.
I kept moving my legs towards the intersection.
I sensed the van following me and quickened my pace, almost running.
Honk.
Just then, a bus from the north side of the intersection honked loudly, not just once but several times.
As I looked closer, the bus had crossed the stop line and was speeding towards us, as if its brakes were broken.
Everything happened in those few seconds I turned to look at the van.
Crash!
The bus hit a car making a left turn and kept going.
Screech!
The bus spun about half a turn but didn’t stop.
As if one collision wasn’t enough, it charged forward for a second one.
And directly in its path was our van.
I covered my mouth with my hands.
People’s screams were deafening.
I heard a child crying too.
A seven-year-old or so kid stood terrified on the opposite sidewalk.
I could see my family inside the van.
Dad’s eyes darted around quickly, trying to steer the van away from the bus.
To the right where I was or to the left where the kid was.
For a moment, dad and I made eye contact.
I instinctively knew what dad was about to do. I quickly shook my head.
I might have shouted “No.”
But there was nothing I could do. I could only watch as misfortune devoured us.
The van swerved left.
The child’s name was Youngjin.
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