* * *
From the other side of the phone, Hyunoh spoke in a somewhat perplexed tone.
– I got bored waiting, so I went inside the main gate, but I can’t find my way around.
“I’ll come to you. Can you see anything around you?”
– There’s a large triangular pillar thing.
“Oh, you’re close by. I’ll be right there.”
I hung up and scanned the surroundings.
Hyunoh was sitting on a bench a few meters away.
I glanced between Hyunoh and Park Jungsoo, feeling awkward.
They shouldn’t meet.
Though I don’t know why, Hyunoh hates anything from the past.
As I fell silent, Park Jungsoo glanced around nervously.
I hurriedly pushed his shoulder.
“Park Jungsoo, go that way.”
“Why?”
“Just go.”
He frowned deeply but eventually walked in the opposite direction from where Hyunoh was.
I exhaled and rubbed my face with my hands. I need to relax my tense expression in front of Hyunoh.
I pressed around my mouth with my index finger.
Forget the anger from a moment ago and act calm.
Can I do it well?
I walked towards Hyunoh, worried.
“Oh, you’re here. I’ve been waiting.”
But my worry was unfounded.
The moment Hyunoh looked up at me, all tension melted away.
The fact that he had waited for me made my heart swell with affection.
The humiliating memory that filled my head just minutes ago began to fade.
The heart that had been pounding painfully fast slowed to a pleasant rhythm.
What could have been the worst day is changing thanks to Hyunoh.
He blinked and grumbled softly.
“I thought I’d die of boredom.”
“Sorry. Let’s go get something delicious to eat.”
He nodded and stood up.
As I looked at his profile, I thought, what if I hadn’t met Hyunoh today? What if he wasn’t here by my side?
Could I have confronted Park Jungsoo and glared at him like I did earlier?
I don’t know.
I don’t want to think too deeply about such hypotheticals.
I’m just glad Hyunoh is here. If possible, I want to stay with him forever.
I want to hold the hand right next to mine.
Even if he doesn’t love me back, it’s fine.
Can’t I just keep him by my side?
Feed him good food, dress him in nice clothes, and even send him to school if he wants.
I’m willing to serve him wholeheartedly.
We might have to move to a bigger house for that.
Would my father allow it?
I could pretend to be dying from high school trauma again.
I’ll tell him someone who looks like an old bully lives in the current apartment.
In the new house, I’d decorate Hyunoh’s room wonderfully.
Since he likes books, I’d need a study too.
Would he be happy if I filled it with his favorite stories?
But what if he falls in love and wants to leave?
What then?
Suddenly, Hyunoh spoke.
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
“Huh? It’s nothing.”
I quickly looked away.
My chest heated up and then cooled down rapidly.
My runaway thoughts screeched to a halt.
My fingertips felt cold.
What was I even thinking just now?
I was just dizzy.
I decided not to expect anything.
Even if the wait ends in emptiness, I would endure it and love him even if he doesn’t love me back.
But the thought of him leaving made me angry.
There’s no one in the world who can treat him better than I can.
I can’t tolerate the idea of someone else monopolizing his love.
I barely suppressed my emotions.
I was horrified at myself. I thought I was loving him without expecting anything in return.
It feels like my shameful side has been exposed.
Was I being greedy without realizing it?
As time goes on, I might have to hide my feelings more often.
“Kim Chanyi, something really happened, didn’t it?”
Hyunoh stopped walking and looked at me.
I quickly shook my head.
“Really, I’m fine.”
“You’re acting strange because you’re so quiet.”
“Sorry.”
I swallow the words that no matter what happens, as long as you’re by my side, everything will be alright.
We aren’t in a position to make such burdensome promises about the future.
I wonder if a day will come when you won’t be repelled by my desperate affection.
***
On the next day of the liberal arts class, when I went to the lecture hall, Park Jungsoo was the same as always.
He was hiding his fear of me and was giving unwanted advice to the girls, who seemed to be listening reluctantly.
I intentionally sat near Park Jungsoo.
Thud.
When I put my bag down heavily, Park Jungsoo flinched for a moment.
After that, his voice became a bit quieter.
As soon as the boring class ended, I left the lecture hall.
I planned to study in the library for a while, then go to the gym before heading home.
I was also looking forward to kissing Hyunoh when he arrived, and maybe more if the situation allowed.
It was a perfect plan.
But as I was walking to the library, I noticed footsteps following me.
Turning around, I saw Park Jungsoo standing there with a tense face.
I spoke irritably.
“Why are you following me? Didn’t I tell you not to act like you know me?”
“I’m not following you.”
“Then take another route from now on.”
“There’s no other way to go from here…”
“Then stay out of sight until I’m gone. Don’t annoy me.”
My face naturally frowned.
Talking to Park Jungsoo was stressful.
Should I have repaid him for what he did to me in high school?
Just as I was about to turn and walk away, Park Jungsoo called out urgently.
“Wait a minute, Kim Chanyi.”
My anger surged. I walked briskly up to Park Jungsoo, getting in his face.
“Can’t you understand human language?”
“N-no.”
Park Jungsoo hunched his shoulders and continued.
“Ki-Kim Hyunoh! I saw Kim Hyunoh yesterday!”
The heat that had surged to my head instantly cooled down at the mention of Hyunoh’s name.
My mind became surprisingly clear.
It seemed like Park Jungsoo had seen Hyunoh sitting on a bench last time.
I needed to stay calm.
* * *
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