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Kim Chanyi, 24 years old, Early Autumn
***
Whenever we played rock-paper-scissors, Hyunoh always chose paper first.
Though, Hyunoh never realized this.
Today is the last day of August.
I tried hard to capture this moment in my mind, straining my eyes.
Hyunoh was panting beneath me, half-crying.
Tears always welled up in his eyes during an orgasm.
His eyes and the tip of his nose were red.
His chest, with not an ounce of extra fat, heaved. It’s a pity he can’t see this beautiful sight himself.
Hyunoh suddenly sighed deeply, his expression full of disillusionment.
He always did this right after sex.
Covering his face with his hands, he mumbled.
“Get out…”
My penis was still inside him.
I wanted to feel Hyunoh a bit longer, but I complied with his request.
“Okay, sorry.”
I slowly moved my hips and withdrew.
Hyunoh shivered, his shoulders relaxing.
I lay down beside him and pressed my nose against his shoulder.
I could hear the sound of him sniffing and wiping away tears.
I closed my eyes for a moment, habitually reflecting on the day.
How Hyunoh moaned, how he cried, how he climaxed.
I meticulously organized these memories in my mind like a report.
Ah, my chest tightened quickly.
I waited for Hyunoh to come home, and we kissed at the front door.
Hyunoh tended to overthink even when left alone for a short while, so I tried not to give him any space.
We walked together to the bathroom, kissing.
I had planned to shower together if possible.
But Hyunoh pushed me away, stammering.
“I, I need to go…”
His voice was so fragile it seemed it would break at a touch.
His eyelashes were trembling.
Heat surged in my lower belly.
My mouth filled with saliva.
Every time this happened, I wanted to ignore his pleas, throw him down, tear his clothes apart, and mark his bare skin with my touch.
I wanted to grab his hips roughly and thrust inside him.
But I couldn’t do that.
I tried hard to smile softly.
If I did whatever I wanted, I would be no different from a beast.
I would never do anything Hyunoh disliked.
Even during sex, I always paid attention to his reactions.
Slow and steady. I never hastily increased the tempo.
As soon as Hyunoh finished showering, we clung to each other again.
We stumbled to the bedroom, dropping clothes along the way.
By the time we reached the bed, we were naked.
I happily caressed Hyunoh’s chest and sides.
By now, I knew how to touch him to make him feel good.
I hugged him from behind and slid my penis into him.
His inner walls always warmly enveloped me.
I continuously kissed the back of his neck, occasionally nibbling the skin gently.
I wanted to sink my fangs into him and leave a vivid red mark, but I held back.
Hyunoh buried his face in the pillow and moaned.
Ah, the way he groaned was unbearably cute.
I pressed down on his wrists firmly.
I restrained myself from wildly thrusting into him and instead focused on hitting his most sensitive spots.
After all, the most important thing was always Hyunoh.
Half-crying, Hyunoh ejaculated.
It was the first time he had climaxed without me touching his penis.
He shivered for a long time, seemingly in shock.
Wanting to see his face, I changed our position.
Hyunoh looked at me, trembling like a prey about to be devoured.
His eyes were red and wet.
Seeing his embarrassment, I involuntarily thrust too hard.
I shouldn’t have done that; it was a mistake.
Hyunoh flinched and released another spurt of semen.
That concludes today’s reflection.
How many times have we had sex?
Not a single day passed without it since the first time.
We were truly obsessed with sex.
There was no restraint.
If we had even a moment, we’d immediately merge our bodies.
I was amazed at how well we fit together physically.
I was glad Hyunoh didn’t mind being the bottom.
It would have been quite awkward if he had asked to switch positions.
I looked intently at Hyunoh’s still-dazed face.
Suddenly, his eyes clouded with complicated emotions.
What could he be thinking about now?
“Hyunoh.”
“……”
Hyunoh stubbornly kept his mouth shut.
I started to worry.
Gently stroking his shoulder, I whispered softly.
“What’s wrong? Do you have something on your mind?”
With a firm tone, as if resolving himself, Hyunoh spoke clearly.
“I don’t think this can go on.”
He must have been thinking about this alone.
I tried to subtly close the distance between us, but Hyunoh sat up entirely.
“I really need to go home today.”
“You’re going home?”
“Tomorrow is September.”
“…You’re leaving?”
“Yes.”
I stared at his bare back.
So, autumn is really coming.
If Hyunoh said he would leave, I couldn’t force him to stay.
But I wanted him to stay.
I could make him much happier and more comfortable than living in a tiny room.
I sat up and firmly grasped his wrist.
After a moment of hesitation, I spoke.
“Do you have to?”
“So, you want me to live here forever?”
“Can’t you?”
I shouldn’t pressure him.
The most important thing is always Hyunoh, I reminded myself countless times.
Yet, my heart was in turmoil. Hyunoh sighed deeply and covered his face with his hands.
Every time he was troubled and didn’t know what to do, I felt like crying.
After a long pause, Hyunoh finally raised his head and spoke.
“I really think this isn’t fair to you.”
“Why?”
“No friends with benefits live together. It’ll end up hurting you.”
I quickly shook my head.
“I’m so happy right now. Was living with me hard for you?”
“No.”
“Then isn’t it fine?”
“Wake up. Are you a fool? You’re paying all the living expenses. We have sex. And we’re not even dating. Are you really okay with this?”
“You said you were fine last time.”
“I can’t believe it. Why do I feel like you’re lying to me?”
“There’s no way.”
“My mind just can’t understand it.”
I let out a deep breath and hugged Hyunoh’s shoulders.
My kind Hyunoh, so lovable.
Would the difference in the size of our hearts eventually hurt me?
Maybe someday, far in the future.
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