* * *
Kim Chanyi leaned in closer.
“I don’t think you can lie about this kind of stuff, especially this.”
His gaze dropped to my crotch. I was half-hard. What the hell? When did that happen?
“If you feel like doing it, just let me know.”
“Stop it already…”
With his innocent face, he said such things.
Despite my unease, Kim Chanyi smiled brightly and turned his attention back to the TV.
I’m going crazy.
I can’t keep letting my mind waver like this.
Honestly, we’ve already done things with our hands; adding one more step wouldn’t change much.
I was slowly convincing myself. It wasn’t easy to stop rationalizing.
When I bit my lip, Kim Chanyi noticed and slipped his thumb into my mouth.
“Don’t bite.”
He pressed his thumb down on my tongue.
With his other hand, he turned off the TV.
The room fell silent. I squinted my eyes.
A tingling sensation started in my lower abdomen.
When I let out a moan, Kim Chanyi pulled his thumb out.
“It’ll feel good.”
He whispered to me again like he was casting a spell.
His expression was sympathetic.
Such a casual suggestion made me seriously contemplate it. I swallowed hard and asked,
“If, we if… we really do it.”
“Yeah.”
“I might hurt you.”
“Why?”
“Because… I haven’t done it before.”
“Me neither.”
“You seem like you’ve done it a hundred times.”
“No way. I’ve just run through the simulation many times. I’m confident I won’t hurt you.”
What is he talking about?
Saying he won’t hurt me.
Does that mean he’s going to put it in me?
Why can’t I be the one to put it?
I shivered.
His moist thumb trailed from my chin to my ear.
He looked at me earnestly.
“I thought I’d be the one doing it.”
“Why did you think that?”
He tilted his head.
“Because you’re… you’re…”
Sometimes when he aggressively tackled me and pinned me down, I got scared, but still.
“You’re cute.”
He laughed, a sound like glass beads rolling on a tray.
His white teeth showed neatly. His gentle eyes sparkled.
“You’re cute too, Hyunoh.”
“Are you crazy? I’m not.”
“But I also want to put it in you.”
He cupped my cheeks with both hands.
Ah, of course, if we do it.
He kindly added the condition.
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Why is it ridiculous?”
“How can you say that with that face…?”
“What’s with my face?”
“You’re cute and pretty, and you look like a bunny. You look innocent.”
“A bunny? That’s a first.”
He laughed out loud again as if he had heard something really amusing.
His laughing face also looked like a bunny.
“Then what should we do? Who should be the top?”
“What’s a top?”
“The one who puts it in.”
“Oh.”
I nodded. He squeezed my cheeks and patted them.
So the top is the one who puts it in.
I learned a new word and sat there blankly.
He smiled and said,
“Want to play rock-paper-scissors?”
“What?”
“Since it’s our first time, let’s decide by playing rock-paper-scissors. The winner gets to be the top.”
Lately, since I’ve been helping around the house, we often played rock-paper-scissors to decide who does the cleaning or dishes.
But now, this is about sex positions.
Is it okay to decide it like this?
But thinking it over, I’ve never lost to Kim Chanyi at rock-paper-scissors.
This could be my chance.
“…Okay. Let’s play rock-paper-scissors.”
“Best two out of three?”
“No, just one round. No take-backs.”
“Got it.”
“Alright, I’m in.”
I declared triumphantly and held out paper for rock-paper-scissors.
“Wow.”
Chanyi grinned brightly.
His move was scissors.
“…What is this.”
No way.
How could I lose now, of all times?
It felt like I’d been tricked by a ghost.
Chanyi smiled at my bewildered expression.
“No take-backs, right?”
“……”
“Oh, but you haven’t showered yet, right? Go wash up first.”
That’s when I realized something was off.
I’d asked hypothetically, ‘if we ever did have sex,’ but the atmosphere was now suggesting it might happen right away.
A chill ran down my spine.
Staggering, I headed to the bathroom.
Hesitantly, I turned on the shower.
I wished someone would tell me it was a joke.
Chanyi had been teasing me about sex so much lately that I looked it up online.
I had the theory and methods down, but feeling comfortable doing it from the start was supposed to be tough.
Suddenly, I was scared.
I washed myself more thoroughly than usual and stepped out of the bathroom.
Chanyi was standing right outside the door. How did it come to this?
Should I just say I can’t do it?
Nervously, I looked at Chanyi.
His first words frightened me.
What would he say? Maybe… “Shall we go to bed now?”
But Chanyi’s words were unexpected.
“Are you thirsty? Want some juice?”
It was like our earlier conversation had vanished into thin air.
I was flustered.
I’d prepared myself as best as I could, but maybe he really just meant to go wash up.
“Huh?”
“I made some watermelon juice.”
“Oh….”
“Dry your hair quickly.”
As Chanyi turned towards the kitchen, I instinctively grabbed him.
“Hey. Weren’t we… going to… do it?”
Chanyi’s eyes widened. I bit my lip hard. My face must be bright red. Chanyi took a step closer.
“Hyunoh didn’t specifically say now….”
“But the mood feels like….”
“I don’t like ambiguity.”
Chanyi’s voice was as gentle as always.
I felt like I was going to die from the heat rising within me.
If only he’d just take charge, I might have gone along with it.
But why did I have to be the one to say it first?
Chanyi’s eyes were both polite and slightly teasing.
He was definitely doing this on purpose.
To make sure I couldn’t back out.
Just like when he convinced me to be friends or move into this house.
Chanyi was incredibly clever.
Damn it. To be honest, I was curious too.
What sex would be like.
* * *
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