* * *
I quickly sat up and knelt.
I hoped it would subside.
I couldn’t masturbate here.
Kim Chanyi was just outside.
I closed my eyes tightly and imagined peaceful scenes.
A blue sky and a vast green
“Ah, damn it.”
I shot up and knelt down.
I needed to calm down.
I couldn’t just start jerking off here.
Kim Chanyi was right outside.
I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined a peaceful scene.
Blue skies and vast, sprawling green fields. Little animals frolicking there.
Like a rabbit that looked like Kim Chanyi…
“Ah.”
My imagination came to a sudden stop.
Why was I thinking about Kim Chanyi now?
I grabbed my hair with both hands.
Does Kim Chanyi really want to do something like this with me?
Why? For what reason?
Does this feel good?
Does he want to pin me down?
…Or is it the other way around?
Suddenly, my mind was filled with thoughts of Kim Chanyi.
The image of us overlapped with the video I had watched earlier.
I knew I had to stop fantasizing, but it wasn’t easy.
Even though I had turned off the video, it felt like I could still hear someone’s moaning.
Kim Chanyi’s naked body would be pale and slender.
If I undressed him and touched his bare skin, would he get excited?
What kind of expression would he make if I pushed him onto the bed?
Would his usually calm face crumble?
I imagined Kim Chanyi’s belly and chest would be as soft as his cheeks.
His face turning red, eyes filled with tears, slightly parted lips, wet tongue… I imagined Kim Chanyi overwhelmed with desire.
And soon, I felt a tightness in my lower abdomen.
My arousal grew.
“…Why.”
I felt like crying.
I pressed down on my erection with my palm, but it didn’t help.
I bit my lip and counted numbers in my head.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t calm down.
I couldn’t shake off thoughts of Kim Chanyi.
I decided to drink some cold water and carefully left the room.
By now, Kim Chanyi should be asleep.
I quietly headed to the kitchen.
“Hyunoh, you’re not asleep?”
But there was Kim Chanyi, drinking cold water in the dark, just like I was about to do.
He seemed slightly surprised.
We looked at each other in the darkness.
Neither of us turned on the light.
“Uh, I couldn’t sleep. I came to get some water…”
“Let me get it for you.”
“Why are you up?”
“I couldn’t sleep either.”
There was a strange tension in the air.
Kim Chanyi handed me a cup of water.
I quickly took it and drank it all at once.
But even cold water couldn’t calm me down. It was frustrating.
Of all times, why did I have to run into Kim Chanyi now?
I was scared to look at him.
I felt like he would see through my indecent thoughts.
Why did I even think of such ridiculous things… I couldn’t stay sane.
I spoke with a heavy heart.
“Is there any alcohol in the fridge?”
“There should be a few cans of beer. Why? Are you going to drink?”
“Uh…”
“By yourself?”
“If you want to drink too, go ahead.”
“Alright. I’ll bring the drinks and some snacks to the living room.”
I turned on the light in the living room and sat on the sofa.
I placed a small cushion on my lap to hide my erection.
I tapped my toes nervously.
A little later, Kim Chanyi came in carrying a tray.
I turned my head to avoid looking at his lower body.
He sat down a little distance away from me.
We drank our beer in silence.
I couldn’t calm down at all.
It was all because of Kim Chanyi.
I wanted to blame him.
Because of him, I had become strange.
If it weren’t for Kim Chanyi, I wouldn’t have looked up gay porn videos.
I wouldn’t be so curious and bothered about his lower body.
I finished my beer in no time. Clunk.
I placed the empty can on the table and looked at Kim Chanyi.
He smiled faintly.
“Shall we go to sleep now?”
Kim Chanyi got up from the sofa first.
As a result, my eye level was directly in line with his groin.
I hoped it wasn’t, but sure enough, his center was bulging.
I felt dizzy.
Did he think I wouldn’t notice that? Because of him…
Damn it. I’m really going crazy.
Suddenly, my face heated up. I exhaled deeply, covering my face with both hands.
“Can you calm that thing down, please?”
“Huh?”
And in a fit of anger, my true feelings slipped out.
Ah.
My mind went blank for a moment.
I lowered my hands and slowly raised my head to look at Kim Chanyi.
His face was as red as a traffic light.
“…Hyunoh.”
Kim Chanyi’s voice dropped.
I flinched, my nape trembling. He sat back down next to me.
“Why, why are you sitting down again?”
“Did I make you uncomfortable?”
“…”
“I’m sorry.”
Kim Chanyi looked dejected.
I scratched the back of my head.
I was too flustered to think straight.
The sudden rush of heat made my forehead sweat.
I couldn’t bring myself to look into Kim Chanyi’s eyes.
I stared intently at my feet and spoke.
“No, you don’t need to apologize… It’s not that I was annoyed.
It’s just that it bothered me a bit.
Wouldn’t you feel the same?
If you were aroused because of me, how could I keep pretending not to notice?”
“But how did you know I was aroused because of you?”
“You said it yourself. That seeing me excites you… Ah.”
I belatedly clamped my mouth shut. I was doomed.
“You remembered that night?”
“…”
“I see.”
Kim Chanyi’s tone was very calm.
I closed my eyes tightly and then opened them.
I had tried to pretend I forgot about the kiss, but it was no use now.
There was no escape.
I felt trapped in a dead-end.
My insides churned.
* * *
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