* * *
Suddenly, I thought maybe Kim Chanyi is nice to everyone, not just me, because he’s a good person….
I felt a sudden rush of heat. I blurted out without thinking.
“You shouldn’t be like that.”
“Hyunoh, your speech is slurred.”
“Me? Your ears must be messed up.”
“Yeah….”
“You’re too nice. You’ll get taken advantage of by bad people.”
“Will I?”
Kim Chanyi laughed out loud. His smile was like a child’s.
“When someone does something annoying, you should say ‘no’ or ‘stop it.’”
“Okay, I will.”
“You look too kind. I’m really worried something bad might happen to you.”
Kim Chanyi tilted his head.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
Kim Chanyi smiled faintly and looked at me intently.
His eyes were darker than usual.
“Do I really seem that nice?”
“Yes.”
“Hyunoh, people see what they want to see.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That’s just how you see me.”
Kim Chanyi touched the corners of his mouth.
“See? The corners of my mouth droop. People think I look sad or cold when I’m not smiling.”
“Who says that?”
“Other people.”
“They’re wrong.”
“You see me as nice, Hyunoh.”
The conversation spun around in my head.
Suddenly, a surge of emotion hit me. It must be the alcohol.
Why does he keep saying no?
Just admit you’re nice.
I’m not the only one you act like this to.
You act like you’d give your liver and gallbladder to anyone you don’t even like!
It’s frustrating. I bolted upright.
“It’s not just how I see you; you are nice!”
Even as I fumed, Kim Chanyi just smiled. Did he find me amusing?
“Yeah. I want to stay nice for you.”
“……”
“I’m trying. Thanks for seeing me that way.”
I moved closer to Kim Chanyi, our knees touching.
He didn’t flinch, his expression calm and serene.
“Look at this. Your skin is still white. It hasn’t turned red at all.”
A sudden sense of determination hit me.
I wanted to break his poker face.
It wasn’t fair that only I seemed to care.
I didn’t want to be confused anymore.
My emotions were teetering dangerously.
A question I would never ask if I were sober slipped out.
“Can I ask you something?”
Kim Chanyi nodded without hesitation.
“Sure.”
“You said you liked me.”
An awkward smile appeared on his face.
“Hyunoh, why are you bringing that up now…?”
“Do you still feel that way? You don’t, right?”
I knew I should stop, but my mouth kept moving on its own.
“Do you get excited when you see me?”
“You’re really drunk. You need to sleep. I’ll get you a blanket.”
Kim Chanyi’s face hardened as he stood up, but I grabbed his arm desperately.
I didn’t know why I was acting this way.
I knew I was being a jerk, but I couldn’t stop.
I was curious.
Did he still like me?
If not, why did he stop?
Why did I care?
Maybe it’s normal to get curious about everything when drunk.
Like wondering why a lamppost is standing there on the street.
I wanted to think it was just simple curiosity.
“I’m curious.”
I mumbled. Kim Chanyi sighed and sat back down, looking me in the eye.
“What are you so curious about?”
He spoke as if he were talking to a child, which made me even more upset.
He looked so gentle, yet he was treating me like a kid. I tried to glare at him, but my eyes wouldn’t cooperate.
“What’s it like to like a guy?”
“…Hyunoh, do you know what you’re saying right now?”
His voice was firmer and more serious than usual.
I was a bit scared inside but decided to keep being a jerk to hide it.
“I know. I’m not drunk. Are you mad? You said I could treat you however I want.”
“Just curse at me. Let’s not have this conversation.”
“Why? Are you angry at me now?”
“How could I be angry at you? I’m just worried.”
“What are you worried about?”
Kim Chanyi bit his lip. I leaned in closer. I couldn’t gauge the distance because I was dizzy.
How close was I to him?
He sighed and spoke.
“I said we should stay friends. If I tell you honestly and you end up hating me…”
“I won’t. I’ll probably forget by tomorrow because I’m drunk.”
Why was I acting like this?
I felt like a scoundrel.
Hey, you idiot.
My inner voice scolded me.
“You said you weren’t drunk earlier…”
“Oh, did I? Maybe I am a bit drunk. Just be honest. How is it?”
Kim Chanyi lifted his head and looked at me steadily.
His eyes were different, not like before. It was a look I’d never seen.
I gulped. I started to understand what he meant by looking cold when he’s quiet.
For the first time, he seemed sharp and edgy to me.
After a long silence, he spoke in a low voice.
“I get excited.”
“What?”
“I get excited when I see you. Just thinking about you excites me.”
Suddenly, Kim Chanyi grabbed my shoulder tightly.
I was taken aback.
What did he just say?
What does he mean by excited?
My head spun.
Despite my drunken state, one thing was clear.
I had made a big mistake.
If I could, I would take it all back.
“Hyunoh. Will you really forget everything by tomorrow?”
I was too overwhelmed to respond, just staring at him blankly.
“Don’t go back on your word. You started this.”
Kim Chanyi moved closer.
Why?
What was he going to do?
His grip on my shoulders was strong.
Who said he looked like a rabbit?
They had no idea. Was it me?
Damn.
Right now, he looked more like a hunting dog than a rabbit.
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