* * *
Opening the bathroom door, I heard Kim Chanyi call from afar.
“Did you finish?”
“Yeah.”
“Come to the kitchen. I prepared something simple.”
The air was filled with a delicious smell.
My nose reacted instinctively.
Toweling my hair, I walked to the kitchen.
Kim Chanyi was already seated at the table, waiting for me.
There were bulgogi, fresh vegetables for wraps, and various side dishes on the table.
“What is all this?”
“I thought you might be hungry. You missed dinner because of me. Usually, the boss gives you food, right?”
“Well, yes, but…”
“Go ahead and eat.”
I awkwardly sat down across from Kim Chanyi.
“When did you make all this?”
I, being completely clueless about cooking, was just amazed. It didn’t seem like I took a long shower.
“It’s nothing. I just grilled some bulgogi that I had marinated and frozen earlier. The rice was frozen too, just reheated it.”
“You cook too?”
“Yes. Ah, it might be a bit bland because I didn’t season it much due to my diet.”
“It’s fine. I don’t like salty food anyway.”
Though I usually season my seolleongtang with a whole container of salt, I lied this time.
Kim Chanyi looked excessively anxious.
I carefully picked up my spoon and glanced at Kim Chanyi.
He had no visible excess fat on his lean body.
I remembered his arms looking firm under his short sleeves.
“You don’t really need to diet anymore.”
Kim Chanyi just smiled faintly without a word.
I put a spoonful of rice in my mouth and suddenly realized.
Wait, I was just going to grab an empty container and leave after my shower.
What am I doing now?
I felt like I had been completely ensnared by a fox, not a rabbit.
“Hey, did you finish all the porridge?”
Just then, the microwave beeped.
“I was reheating it. Going to eat it now.”
Kim Chanyi brought over the bowl of porridge and sat down across from me again.
Suddenly, I found myself having dinner with Kim Chanyi at the same table.
The first minute was filled with heavy silence. I silently chewed my food.
As Kim Chanyi had said, it was bland but not tasteless.
It felt like eating a healthy meal for the first time in a while. Most of the side dishes were just greens.
Kim Chanyi was the first to break the silence.
“Hey, Hyunoh.”
“What.”
I kept my head buried in my rice bowl. I could feel Kim Chanyi’s gaze on the top of my head.
“How did you end up running errands for the boss?”
“I’m staying at the shop over the summer in exchange.”
“Why are you staying at the shop?”
“It’s too hot at home.”
“The shop can’t be that comfortable either.”
“It’s better than a semi-basement.”
“You live in a semi-basement?”
I stubbornly kept my head down.
“What. Is it funny?”
“No. I just thought it must be hard in the summer. It must be humid.”
“Yeah, kind of.”
“I have an extra room at my place….”
I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them. I must not be swayed.
“So what.”
“You could stay there.”
“Are you out of your mind?”
“You won’t be a bother. Just think of it as using a guest house.”
I looked up in disbelief.
My eyes met Kim Chanyi’s directly. I felt a lump in my throat.
Kim Chanyi’s white cheeks had a pinkish hue.
His expression was clear and childlike.
“Kim Chanyi, what’s really going on with you?”
“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
“Of course, it’s uncomfortable. How could I stay at the house of a guy who confessed to me?”
“Don’t worry about that. Just forget about it.”
“Could you do that if you were me?”
Kim Chanyi blinked his gentle, round eyes.
His voice was soft and amiable.
I felt like the bad guy for getting worked up alone.
“Sorry, Hyunoh. Don’t get mad.”
“I’m not mad….”
“I just wanted you to be comfortable.”
“I’m not comfortable around you at all.”
I heard Kim Chanyi take a sharp breath.
His eyes wavered.
He clenched his jaw and pursed his lips.
He looked hurt.
I scratched the back of my still-damp head.
“Yeah. I shouldn’t have said anything. You probably hate seeing me. I just got excited because we were together….”
“……”
“I overstepped. Sorry. Let’s eat.”
Kim Chanyi pressed his lips together into a thin line.
Silence descended on the table again.
I couldn’t understand Kim Chanyi.
Even though I had harshly told him I hated seeing him, why was he being so kind to me?
How could he do that?
Why does he keep apologizing to me?
I awkwardly finished my meal, not even knowing where the bulgogi was going.
Kim Chanyi was much more withdrawn than before.
I felt like the food was stuck in my throat.
Kim Chanyi washed the container he used for the porridge and handed it to me.
I wanted to turn around and head to the door without a word, but strangely, my heels wouldn’t lift off the ground.
Would I feel better if I left here like this?
No, I wouldn’t.
Kim Chanyi likes me.
Quite a lot.
His heart breaks and heals with every word I say.
This shouldn’t happen.
I shouldn’t be such a special person to anyone.
It’s not Kim Chanyi who is overstepping, it’s me.
Kim Chanyi is foolish and naive.
If it were me, I wouldn’t care so much about someone like myself.
By now, he should have realized that I’m not the same person I used to be.
Kim Chanyi is pitiful. Of all people, he had to fall for me.
Kim Chanyi is a good person, and I am not.
The more that difference grows, the more unhappy Kim Chanyi will become.
I want Kim Chanyi to be happy.
He’s not a bad person, but he had a tough time in high school for no reason.
He deserves to be happy.
So he should stop liking me.
* * *
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