* * *
A few days later in the afternoon, I went to the barbecue restaurant for my part-time job as usual.
The owner was filling up the side dish containers with the kitchen lady.
“Boss, I’m here.”
“Oh, it’s hot. Hyunoh, turn on the air conditioner.”
“Okay.”
Five minutes later, another part-timer, Yoona, arrived. Yoona was a local.
She was taking a break from college to save money for a trip abroad with her friends in the winter.
“Whew, it’s hot.”
Yoona squinted her eyes and stood in front of the air conditioner for a moment to dry her sweat.
I was carrying meat to the kitchen when Yoona suddenly turned to me and asked,
“Oppa, why isn’t that guy coming?”
“Who?”
“The handsome one. Really white face. Big eyes.”
Was she talking about Kim Chanyi?
It wasn’t a welcome topic. I frowned.
“Why do you bring him up? You hardly even see him.”
I work full-time until closing every day, but Yoona leaves a few hours before closing, except on weekends.
She shrugged and said,
“He’s the hot topic at our place these days. He used to come every day, so of course, I’m curious why he’s not coming lately.”
“Mind your own business.”
Yoona pouted. To make things worse, the owner chimed in from behind.
“Hyunoh, have you contacted Chanyi?”
“No. He must be busy. I’m going out for a smoke.”
“What? You don’t smoke.”
“I’m starting today.”
To avoid the conversation, I hurried out of the restaurant.
Outside was a completely different world.
The humidity was so high it felt like my body was filling up with water.
It was almost 5 PM, but the sun was still blazing.
I shielded my eyes with my hand and squinted.
It had been three days since I last saw Kim Chanyi’s face.
He must have finally understood my message to stay away.
I felt relieved. Without Kim Chanyi, life felt a bit more bearable.
In a month, I might even forget I ever met him.
It would be like it never happened.
My life would continue undisturbed.
Good, I’m satisfied. Really.
But suddenly my eyes stung and itched.
Why was this happening?
As the heat became unbearable, I was about to head back inside the restaurant when I saw a familiar silhouette approaching from down the alley.
I squinted and stared at him.
As he got closer, I felt my energy drain.
It was Kim Chanyi, as I had feared.
He was wearing a cardigan and a baseball cap pulled low in this weather.
He hadn’t noticed me yet and was trudging along, looking only at the ground.
“Hey.”
Kim Chanyi was startled and looked up when he heard my voice.
I should have left him alone.
Why did I speak to him?
My mouth moved before my brain could stop it.
“Oh, Hyunoh….”
Kim Chanyi mumbled. I frowned. Something seemed off about him.
“Are you sick?”
His lips, usually moist and red even without lipstick, were pale and chapped.
Dark circles shadowed his eyes.
Looking down, I saw he was holding a medicine packet.
There was a hospital right next to the restaurant, so he must have just been there.
“No. I’m fine… cough.”
Even his cough sounded serious, like he could collapse any moment.
He covered his mouth with his hand and stepped back.
“I’ll go now. Sorry.”
Hey. What are you sorry about?
Are you really sick?
Is that why you couldn’t come?
Why did you get sick all of a sudden?
It feels like it’s because of me.
You weren’t deeply hurt, were you?
You like me, but not to the point of madness, right?
Please say yes.
Words piled up in my throat, but my lips wouldn’t part.
While I hesitated, Kim Chanyi staggered away and disappeared.
***
Six nights had passed since the big stadium incident.
Other than a brief encounter on the street, I hadn’t seen a trace of Kim Chanyi.
I tried hard not to think about him.
Whether he was sick or not wasn’t my concern.
If I decided to cut ties, I had to be cold to the end. If I showed any unnecessary concern now, it would only make me look worse.
Life without Kim Chanyi quietly flowed by without any incidents.
I worked my part-time job, went home, struggled to sleep in my unbearably hot and humid room, and flipped through meaningless TV channels on the old television the landlord had provided.
When that got boring, I lay still and thought about death.
And now it was time to head to work again.
I trudged out of my room.
It was just as hot inside as outside.
I shouldn’t have hastily rented that semi-basement room with nothing but an old TV as a bonus.
One fan wasn’t enough to deal with the humidity.
It felt like living underwater.
If I stayed there a few more days, I might grow gills.
Arriving at the restaurant felt a bit better.
Standing in front of the air conditioner, I mumbled to the owner,
“It might be better to sleep on the restaurant floor.”
“Is your place that hot?”
“It’s not just the heat, it’s the humidity.”
“What about mold?”
“I’m too scared to check behind the wardrobe.”
Lately, a musty smell had started to waft through my place, and bugs were appearing more frequently.
I suddenly felt afraid to go back home.
When I signed the lease, the low deposit was appealing.
At that time, I didn’t have much money for a deposit.
After being discharged from the military, I had lived in a goshiwon (a kind of single room occupancy) for about a year and a half before getting my first room.
Compared to the goshiwon where I couldn’t sleep because of the neighbor’s snoring, it was better, but it wasn’t exactly a livable space either.
“Then sleep here.”
The owner’s words made my eyes widen.
“Really?”
“Just wash up at home. Isn’t this place cooler than your room? The fan is much bigger too.”
“I’d be grateful if you let me.”
“Alright. Hyunoh, run an errand for me.”
“Sure. Just tell me what to do.”
“Wait a moment.”
The owner came out of the kitchen holding a bag.
I took it, feeling confused. Inside were containers filled with vegetable porridge.
“Take this over to him.”
“To whom?”
“Who else? Chanyi.”
“Kim Chanyi?”
I stood there, baffled, unable to connect the dots between the boss, the porridge, and Kim Chanyi.
* * *
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