* * *
Maybe his bookshelf at home is filled with limited edition CDs of foreign bands.
He might fall asleep listening to the radio in the early morning and go jogging early in the morning.
As I was lost in these imaginations of Hyunoh’s daily life, he called me quietly.
“Hey.”
I flinched and looked at him.
“Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
“Huh? About what?”
“To Park Jungsoo earlier.”
“……”
“I heard everything.”
“How did you know?”
“He was talking really loudly so you could hear.”
“Well… I didn’t have anything to say.”
“Did you guys fight?”
“No.”
“Then why does he talk to you like that?”
Even if I do nothing, someone could still harbor malice towards me.
Just like everyone likes Hyunoh for no reason.
Hyunoh wouldn’t understand my life.
Yet, he sides with me.
He doesn’t look down on me.
He’s different from the so-called popular kids that Park Jungsoo usually hangs out with.
He doesn’t resemble them at all.
I found Hyunoh fascinating.
“Park Jungsoo always talks like that.”
“Really? What a weirdo.”
“Yeah. But hey, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Do I really not smell?”
Hyunoh suddenly widened his eyes and brought his nose to the back of my hand.
His soft nose bridge touched my skin.
I was so startled that I hid my hands behind the backrest.
“Really, you don’t. You actually smell kind of nice.”
“……”
“Wow. Your face just turned super red all of a sudden. That’s interesting.”
I could only stammer and say nothing.
I wanted to say the interesting one is you.
Hyunoh chuckled.
His neat, white teeth showed.
His perfect teeth without a single crooked one were very much like him.
***
The end of March was approaching.
I wanted to stretch the time as much as possible.
I imagined space and time twisting every time I was in a daze.
A tiny space where one second became an eternity.
In that space, it would only be me and Hyunoh.
It’s not an unreasonable thought.
I wouldn’t even touch a hair on Hyunoh.
I just want to quietly watch him without any interruptions.
I would fill that space with all of Hyunoh’s favorite things.
So that he could smile the entire time.
Then my stream of imagination broke.
I don’t know what Hyunoh likes.
I know too little about him.
No wonder, since we’re not that close.
We were paired up by chance, just by the order of the consonants and vowels in our names.
I can only guess what Hyunoh is like based on the Hyunoh I see.
A dreadful weekend afternoon without being able to see Hyunoh.
I was half-listening to my dad’s nagging and thinking about Hyunoh.
“What are you going to do if you don’t study like this?”
I answered absentmindedly.
“I am studying. I even do self-study sessions.”
“You should study on weekends too.”
My dad suddenly shouted at my mom who was sitting next to him.
“What have you been doing all this time? I come home after a month and the house is a mess. How could you let the kid slack off like this?”
No. The house was perfectly fine before.
It’s dad who makes it a mess.
Mom probably thinks the same.
“So Chan, you’re going to engineering school, right?”
“Yes.”
I’m not going to engineering school, but I answered that way.
What does it matter?
Dad is often away on business abroad.
I only have to endure his nagging once in a while.
Anyway, I’m going to study something that explains the universe with numbers and laws.
Because it looks cool.
Mom said,
“Chanyi’s dad, you don’t have to be so strict. Chanyi gets good grades even if left alone.”
“If you leave him alone, his grades will drop in an instant. Other kids study all day. And his current grades are only maintained because I send him to these academies.”
Dad doesn’t know.
At the academy, all I do is space out.
The content in the textbooks is too obvious.
To think we have to learn this over three years.
Sometimes I intentionally get a problem wrong.
Because it looks cool.
Grades are useless.
Just look at Hyunoh.
He doesn’t study at all, but everyone likes him.
Even the teachers.
I’m always in the top ten in school, but no one likes me.
What’s the use of grades?
“Look, you only come home every few months and all you do is scold the kid.”
“Do you think I do this on purpose? It’s because of work, because of work!”
“Oh, stop boasting about your work! It’s driving me crazy!”
The argument between mom and dad was getting more heated. I quietly got up from my seat.
“I’m going to the library.”
Finally, dad’s expression softened.
I packed my bag full of comic books instead of workbooks and left the house.
I felt sorry for dad but also annoyed.
Dad is always anxious about his diminishing presence in the family.
He wants his absence to be a huge blow and source of loneliness for mom and me.
But wishes and reality are different.
Not that I can blame anyone.
It was dad who went to China to expand his business despite mom’s dissuasion.
I went to the reading room of the nearby library and found a seat.
The air was stuffy. It seemed impossible to do any proper reading here.
I took out several comic books from my bag. Holding the books, I headed to the rooftop garden.
I looked around for a suitable spot.
I saw someone sitting on a bench diagonally across. It was Hyunoh.
“…Hyunoh.”
Hyunoh turned his head to look at me.
I covered my belly with both arms.
I was embarrassed by my casual clothes.
I had just thrown on anything, and my t-shirt was a bit tight.
Hastily, I zipped my jacket all the way up to my neck.
Hyunoh raised his hand and waved slightly.
“Kim Chanyi.”
* * *
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