* * *
“…Chanyi?”
His eyes wavered.
“Do you remember?”
So, he was that Chanyi.
I was surprised. The name made it clear.
But he looked so different from my memory. In high school, Chanyi had been particularly pale and chubby.
Everyone called him a pig.
Now, his body had almost halved in size.
The only thing unchanged was his white skin. Had he always been this tall and broad-shouldered?
His eyes were big and round, his nose prominent.
He had a gentle and kind appearance.
Like a character from a romance comic with sparkles around him.
If I were to compare him to an animal, maybe a dog?
A squirrel? A rabbit?
Yes, a rabbit. A slender white rabbit.
Chanyi’s transformation was astonishing.
No wonder I couldn’t recognize him at first glance.
He cleared his throat slightly, making me realize I had been staring at him for too long.
“You’ve changed a lot.”
Chanyi nodded.
His ears and cheeks turned bright red instantly.
He used to blush like this in high school too.
That image came back to me.
“Hyunoh, do you live here?”
“Yes.”
“Do you go to our university too? Our department moved here this year.”
Why does he assume I’m a student?
“No.”
Anyway, it was best to end our conversation here.
We weren’t particularly close, and I was done marveling at his transformation.
Encountering someone from my past was painful.
What an unfortunate coincidence.
I stepped back two paces.
“Then I’ll be going. Enjoy your meal.”
“Huh? Oh, wait a minute.”
Chanyi reached out towards me in a fluster.
I quickly slipped out of his grasp and hurried downstairs.
The boss looked at me, breathing heavily, and asked,
“What’s wrong? Is there a problem upstairs?”
“No, nothing.”
My heart tightened.
I moved even faster, doing more than before.
To avoid thinking about Chanyi.
It would be fine.
In a few hours, Chanyi would leave the table with his friends and leave this place.
We weren’t close, so if I kept my distance, he wouldn’t approach me.
Yes, Chanyi had always been timid.
This should be our last encounter.
Closing time was approaching.
During that time, Chanyi’s table placed several additional orders.
I responded curtly and addressed them formally.
Chanyi continued to stare at me but didn’t initiate further conversation.
My naturally fierce-looking face must have helped.
When the restaurant was emptying out, I heard people coming down from the second floor.
It was Chanyi’s group. I glanced at them briefly and then looked away.
I focused on wiping down the greasy table.
They were at the counter, paying.
I prayed for Chanyi to leave quickly.
“Hyunoh.”
But my wish was not granted.
I sighed softly and put down the rag.
Slowly raising my head, I saw Chanyi standing right in front of me.
“What?”
Kim Chanyi seemed taller than in high school.
He stood slightly above my eye level.
Instead of looking into his eyes, I stared at the space between his upper lip and his chin.
Kim Chanyi spoke.
“Can you give me your number?”
This time, a big sigh escaped my lips.
“No.”
Kim Chanyi looked slightly taken aback by my firm response.
I wanted to make it clear that I was not happy to see him again.
“Um, why?”
“Do I have to? We weren’t that close.”
“Oh….”
At this point, I expected Kim Chanyi to back off.
The Kim Chanyi I knew would have.
“Can’t we become close now?”
But five years is a long time.
Kim Chanyi was no longer the Kim Chanyi I knew, both in appearance and personality.
I, too, had changed so much that no one would think I was the same person from five years ago.
“No, we can’t.”
“…….”
“Please leave. I need to clean.”
Kim Chanyi blinked his innocent-looking eyes.
“Hyunoh.”
I responded irritably, frowning deeply.
“Hey. Stop calling me Hyunoh. I hate hearing it.”
If I could, I would change my name.
Then maybe I could completely abandon my past.
The detestable times when I was Hyunoh.
“Did I do something wrong to you?”
“No.”
I almost wished he had.
Then it would be easier for me to ignore him.
But Kim Chanyi had done nothing wrong.
He wasn’t the type to harm anyone back then.
He was thoroughly pitiable and innocent.
It was simply Kim Chanyi’s existence that weighed on me, not because he had done anything to me.
“Please go.”
“…Okay.”
I turned my head sharply and resumed wiping the table.
Behind me, Kim Chanyi spoke in a soft voice.
“Sorry for bothering you.”
I bit my lip.
Even after five years, Kim Chanyi was still thoroughly pitiable and innocent.
I heard him leave the shop.
Only when he was completely gone did I exhale the breath I had been holding.
Fear gripped me.
I prayed that my world would remain confined to my 6-pyeong semi-basement and this barbecue shop.
I wanted no connections with anyone.
I wished no one knew me.
No one should try to expand this narrow world.
I wished my existence would fade, so faint it could be wiped away.
This was the survival method I had devised over five years.
They say organisms evolve by adapting to their environment; so did I.
As long as I didn’t compare myself to others, I wouldn’t realize the extent of my misfortune.
I lived with the misfortune that befell me, without trying to escape.
Struggling in a fast current would only make me sink deeper.
I had to forget the sensation of happiness.
The moment I wished to be happy, I would become unhappy.
I had to act like someone who never knew happiness, who didn’t desire it. It required quite a sophisticated internal performance.
It took me years to become so careful that I could even fool myself.
Kim Chanyi must not destroy all this.
* * *
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