ACTSV chapter 168

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Jingyeom reached out and took Jinwoo’s hand.

“No, it’s not that, Jinwoo.”

Jinwoo’s face, looking up at him, was twisted as if he was about to burst into tears.

He tried to cover his mouth with his hand, but his eyes were already shimmering with emotion, impossible to hide.

When their eyes met, Jinwoo quickly turned his head.

Even so, he didn’t pull away or leave.

Feeling Jinwoo’s emotions in that small gesture, Jingyeom’s own lips pouted slightly, and his eyes reddened.

“It wasn’t meant like that. You can leave the hospital now. I said it because I don’t want you to stay here just because of me.”

“…”

“Jinwoo, look at me, okay?”

At the sound of his voice, tinged with emotion, Jinwoo finally turned his head, just a little.

“I won’t say things like that anymore.”

“…Don’t say you don’t need me.”

“I didn’t say that!”

“…You won’t say it again, will you?”

“I won’t! I won’t, Jinwoo.”

As Jingyeom reached out his arm, Jinwoo slowly leaned in and embraced him.

“…Sorry for hurting you.”

“Don’t feel awkward around me, Gyeom.”

“Yeah, I won’t.”

“…My heart hurts so much.”

As Jinwoo’s larger body curled in close, Jingyeom gently rubbed his back.

“I won’t make you feel that way again.”

Jinwoo pulled Jingyeom into a tight hug, his face buried in Jingyeom’s neck, sending a tickling shiver through him, yet he couldn’t pull away.

He deliberately inhaled deeply and exhaled, a small act of playful revenge for making him feel so vulnerable.

Jinwoo was certain now that Jingyeom was remarkably lenient with him.

Before, he’d thought that maybe Jingyeom’s gentle attitude was due to his memory loss and personality change, but he realized it went far beyond that.

His confidence in this only solidified during his recent hospitalization, when Jingyeom, attempting to distance himself, had teared up the moment Jinwoo asked him not to.

That expression convinced Jinwoo that Jingyeom wouldn’t be able to abandon him easily.

So sometimes, when he sensed a strange tension between them, he let his torn feelings show.

“Gyeom, you’re all I have.”

“…”

Though there was no verbal response, Jingyeom’s small hand kept rubbing his back, and for now, Jinwoo was content with just that.

“Jingyeom won’t abandon me… he won’t.”

Just as he couldn’t let go, he believed that Jingyeom wouldn’t either.

---

The atmosphere, which had been improving, shifted slightly after that day.

Before, it was Jinwoo who was cautious, but lately, Jingyeom had been behaving carefully.

When they talked, he thought about his words repeatedly to make sure Jinwoo wouldn’t misunderstand.

Jinwoo, of course, noticed Jingyeom’s efforts.

But he didn’t say anything.

In fact, he felt pleased that Jingyeom was constantly mindful of him.

Moreover, recently, Jingyeom had taken to browsing online, watching videos, trying to find a hobby for Jinwoo, and Jinwoo found it amusing.

He felt secretly happy knowing everything Jingyeom did was for his sake.

Jingyeom, sprawled on the couch with his laptop, wiggled his fingers to get Jinwoo’s attention.

“Jinwoo! Look at this!”

As Jinwoo came closer, Jingyeom opened a video on the laptop screen.

“What do you think?”

“Think of what?”

“How about taking this up as a hobby? Isn’t it nice?”

The video was a tutorial on improving handwriting.

Jinwoo had never thought about his handwriting before, so he didn’t feel any particular need to improve it.

Jingyeom even showed him a series of calligraphy tutorials, but none piqued his interest.

When Jinwoo’s reaction remained indifferent, Jingyeom quickly switched to another video.

“How about this?”

Jingyeom continued showing various videos, from cooking, hiking, and reading to art, instruments, and crafts.

Despite his efforts to find something popular, Jinwoo’s response was always lukewarm.

No matter how much he wanted to help Jinwoo find a hobby, none of Jingyeom’s suggestions resonated with him.

After exhausting all his ideas, Jingyeom buried his face into the sofa.

“Guess I need to keep looking. Maybe I’ve been trying too hard to find something cheap…”

Though he had tried to find a wide range of options, he mostly chose things that didn’t cost much.

While he wanted to support whatever Jinwoo wanted to do, he was stuck in the hospital himself, unable to work and only sinking deeper into debt.

Seeing Jingyeom’s clear disappointment, Jinwoo smirked slightly.

Truthfully, he did have a hobby he’d kept for years.

Just watching Jingyeom by his side.

For Jinwoo, that alone was enough.

But not wanting to see Jingyeom looking so down, he gently patted his head.

“Gyeom, is there anything you want to do? I could join you.”

“Me?”

Lying back with his hands on his stomach, staring at the ceiling, Jingyeom furrowed his brows in thought.

“Well, I’d like to try drawing… or maybe learning an instrument properly.”

“An instrument? Which one?”

“I always wanted to learn guitar, but I heard it can make your fingers bleed, so I gave up on that. Maybe piano? I think I could manage that—just enough to play one piece, even if I’m no pianist.”

He’d wanted to learn guitar for no particular reason, and piano had seemed impressive in a movie review, so he’d grown interested.

The way black and white keys intermingled fascinated him, and he often imagined himself playing a grand piano.

“Let’s enroll in a piano class after you’re discharged.”

“Will you come too?”

“If you start, I’ll do it too.”

Jinwoo’s enthusiasm made Jingyeom smile wide.

It felt fulfilling to have finally introduced him to something he could enjoy.

The idea of Jinwoo sharing the same interest made Jingyeom happy, thinking Jinwoo might eventually enjoy spending a little time on his own.

Humming softly, Jingyeom sat up and glanced out the window.

Although it was still day, the rain made it quite dark outside. The weather somehow reminded him of the mansion.

His humming faded.

Gazing out at the rain with a complex expression, Jingyeom shook off his thoughts and picked up his laptop again.

As he refreshed the page, a familiar YouTube thumbnail appeared on the homepage.

“Oh, this…”

It was a video about psychology.

It covered the experiences of people who had endured childhood abuse, with a psychiatrist explaining their therapy sessions in an interview format.

There were various stories and many treatment methods.

Watching it made Jingyeom wonder if Jinwoo might need something like this too.

But would Jinwoo agree to it?

He wasn’t sure.

As he stared at the video thumbnail, Jingyeom glanced at Jinwoo sitting at his feet, playing on his phone.

He hesitated but decided he’d ask directly, wearing a serious expression as he turned to Jinwoo.

“Jinwoo, what do you think about therapy?”

“Therapy? Why… do you want to try it?”

Upon hearing about the sudden mention of counseling, Jinwoo’s heart sank, fearing that Jingyeom might be seeking therapy to recover his memories.

Though there was no guarantee Jingyeom’s memories would ever return, Jinwoo couldn’t help but hope he wouldn’t pursue counseling just yet.

He was terrified of how Jingyeom might change if his memories came back. Jinwoo had researched many cases about memory recovery.

Even if Jingyeom’s old and new memories coexisted, he was confident that Jingyeom wouldn’t treat him as coldly as he once had.

However, he also read about cases where people, upon regaining their memories, forgot everything that had happened while their memories were lost.

Jinwoo couldn’t bear the thought of that happening.

Though there was nothing he could do, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread.

Noticing Jinwoo’s tense reaction, Jingyeom quickly reached out to reassure him.

“No, not for me.”

Finally, Jinwoo’s trembling eyelids stilled.

“Then… for whom?”

“… For you, Jinwoo.”

“Me?”

Jinwoo was stunned.

He had never once considered the idea that he might need therapy.

Jingyeom, worried that Jinwoo would misunderstand, added quickly.

“I feel awkward bringing this up, but… if I don’t say something, no one else will.”

“…”

“I was watching some videos online and came across something about childhood trauma. And, well… when you think about it, your dad gaslit you, right? … I read that it could be a lifelong scar, and it kind of scared me.”

“So, you’re saying… you want me to go to therapy?”

Jingyeom nodded slowly.

“Even though you’ll be discharged soon, you still have to stay here for a little while… I thought it might be a good idea for you to try counseling during that time. Both you and I… we went through abuse. I may not remember it, but you do, clearly.”

“…”

“Something like that can become a trauma that impacts your life. I thought it might help if you had someone to talk to, even if only a little. I felt like I should mention it, at least once.”

Jingyeom took a deep breath before continuing.

“I was really worried you’d be upset, or misunderstand my intentions…”

“I’m not.”

“Huh?”

“I might misinterpret it, but no matter what you say to me, it won’t upset me.”

Jinwoo’s response was sincere, yet tinged with a bitter smile.

Seeing Jinwoo’s unwavering answer only made Jingyeom’s expression turn more sorrowful, his heart aching as he wondered if he’d said too much.

He’d spoken out of a genuine hope that Jinwoo might find some relief, but he was beginning to worry that perhaps he’d pushed too hard.

Maybe he should’ve waited, acted less on emotion. But he couldn’t take back the words he’d already said.

“This isn’t me trying to pressure you. If you want to, do it; if you don’t, don’t. Okay?”

“… Yeah. Thanks for thinking of me.”

“No, I’m the one who’s always grateful.”

With a faint smile, Jingyeom turned to close his laptop, attributing his emotions to the dreary weather.

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That night, Jinwoo couldn’t sleep, his mind preoccupied with what had happened during the day.

“Am I… abnormal? Is that why he thinks I need counseling…?”

For as long as he could remember, his father had told him, “Jingyeom’s suffering is your fault.”

Even after his father had abandoned him and Baek Jingyeom, Jinwoo had never thought of it as abuse.

To Jinwoo, abuse meant physical violence.

“What did he mean by ‘feeling better’…?”

Lost in unanswered questions, Jinwoo spent the night tossing and turning.

A few days later, Jinwoo expressed his intention not to go to counseling.

Jingyeom wanted to encourage him to reconsider but didn’t want to push him, so he accepted Jinwoo’s decision.

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