* * *
I stared intently at Hesia, conveying the meaning of ‘Why aren’t you answering?’
Hesia, who was hesitating while holding me, finally spoke, unable to resist my urging.
“Vivi told me. That I am better than that bastard Haen De Winter. That the time you are spending with me now is better than the time you spent with that bastard.”
“Hmm? Did I say that?”
I glared at my dangling feet and searched my memory.
Hesia gently placed me on the windowsill, firmly wrapped his arms around my waist to prevent me from falling backward, and opened his mouth with a slightly disappointed look.
“You did. I remember it clearly. It was when Vivi came for the fourth time, you cried and said that being with me right now was the best.”
“Came for the fourth time, ha, anyway, that’s not something that needs to be remembered.”
I felt all my strength drain away.
At my hollow murmur, Hesia annoyingly shrugged his shoulders.
I lifted my foot and playfully kicked Hesia, and he laughed softly.
“You’re the only one who can treat me like this, you know?”
“Isn’t that obvious? If there were many people treating the Prince this way, that would be a big problem in itself.”
I replied with a reluctant expression that the royal authority must have plummeted to the point of crawling in the mud.
Hesia laughed boisterously, seemingly pleased with something I said, and carefully held my foot.
Although unintended, because the person who clung to me was of high status, I was also being treated as precious.
Thanks to that, my originally rough feet had become quite soft.
Of course, no matter how soft they had become, that was only in comparison to before.
They still weren’t a very pleasant sight.
However, Hesia didn’t hesitate to hold that foot, take off the fine shoe, and remove the white sock.
And then, he pressed his lips to the pale instep, where blue veins stood out.
Like a devotee expressing the utmost respect for their God.
Like a person crawling in the lowest place craving affection from the being living in the highest place.
“You said that. That you like being with me… That’s why I’m happy. I feel like I own the whole world. You can think I’m foolish. Actually, it’s not like I haven’t thought that myself… But what can I do. Vivi, I just like you.”
Hesia whispered that he liked me so, so much, and bowed his head.
His warm forehead was placed gently on my cool instep, which felt as if it were sculpted from marble.
“Vivi, promise me this one thing.”
“What.”
“Allow the I who will spend all the lives you live, the lives I don’t know about, as a mere phantom, to love you.”
‘I dare not forget you even in death. Just let me serve you my whole life, let me see you receive the love and worship that is enough to make you struggle, from the lowest and closest place.’
Hesia did not lift his head throughout his soft murmur, which sounded like a confession.
I looked at his round head, then bent down and kissed the top of his head.
Hesia smiled.
Sacredly and innocently, like the sound of the trumpet of an angel that is said to be heard when one falls in love.
✽ ✽ ✽
We decided to invite Haen ourselves before he unnecessarily poked around everywhere.
It would be a lie to say there was no backlash.
The funny thing was that the reason wasn’t because Haen was a high-ranking noble of the Empire, but simply because he was a person who had treated me badly.
I knew I was loved. I knew that love was a size I could not even begin to fathom.
But sometimes, when I saw it firsthand like this, the feeling would be strange.
When the Duke-King personally called me and asked if I truly wanted to see Haen De Winter, that scum.
‘Remember. Hesia’s person is my person.‘
When the attendants and maids, who had become quite friendly with me in the meantime, surrounded me and muttered worried words.
‘Vivisian! Th-this… is a medicine that relieves tension. Just in case…‘
‘Eat this candy if you feel down! I bought it because I heard Vivisian likes it.‘
When the knights, sweating profusely in the training ground where I went to watch Hesia practice, as always, told me to call them immediately if any problem arose.
‘What’s the big deal? If something goes wrong because we dared to hit the Precious Person, all we have to do is start a revolution with the Prince’s help, right?‘
‘That’s right. If he’s the Prince we know, he’ll come running with a sword at the mere mention of Revolution.‘
‘What? A revolution? Vivi, do you want to be king? You should have told me earlier. Starting a revolution is one way, but there’s also the way where I marry Vivi and give the throne to Vivi. Just like Vivi told my younger self. I actually recommend the latter more.‘
‘See this?‘
‘Wow, the words are really pouring out as if he was waiting for it.‘
Words that were half worry and half lies.
I am no longer afraid of Haen De Winter.
I feel nothing even when I see the people who hated me without properly knowing me.
The Teian Duchy where I lived, especially the lake I loved most, is too far from the Merien Duchy for me to go there anymore.
The lake, which was so blue it looked like the sky had fallen down.
The meteor showers that sometimes fell over the surface of the lake, darkly stained with the color of the sky.
I know the way back to that place.
If I just cross the border to the Teian Duchy, my body, which has only ever wandered, will find its first landmark and head to the lake on its own.
Regardless, it is a place I don’t want to go to, even in death.
I traced the beautiful place that remained vividly in my memory and lay down on the mat spread under the large tree, as always.
Today is the day Haen comes to the Merien Duchy.
Unlike the others who were busy with various preparations, I had no particular thoughts.
I just lay sprawled on the mat, watching the clouds floating in the sky.
“Nothing will change just because Haen comes…”
Too much time has passed for Haen’s nonsense to hurt me.
And I don’t have much time left.
So I will treat Haen as an ordinary guest, but…
‘…But will Sia do the same?‘
I suddenly frowned and fell into thought.
Actually, there was nothing to think about.
I swear on Haen, Hesia will not leave Haen alone.
“Oh dear.”
I let out a sigh with a voice that contained no pity at all, and I raised my hand to wipe the corner of my mouth.
As expected, it was slightly turned up—a clearly happy expression.
I can’t smile like this in front of Haen.
Feeling the need to control my expression, I smiled, then suddenly wiped my hardened cheek with the back of my hand as I abruptly turned serious.
Then, I unexpectedly drifted off to sleep…
When I opened my eyes, a familiar face was visible.
Noble blue eyes and golden hair that looked like molten gold.
My friend looked down at me with a face slightly paler than I remembered.
I had only planned to sleep for a moment, but when I came to, the sun was high in the sky.
As the sun grew stronger, Haen was blocking the sunlight that the tree shade couldn’t completely cover with his entire body.
My friend, who hadn’t aged at all compared to the last time I saw him, was still beautiful.
I looked at him with a distant gaze, as if seeing someone far away.
“Hello.”
I smiled faintly, looking at the being who was no longer anything to me.
Haen didn’t react to my lukewarm greeting, which matched my smile.
He had a very pitiful expression, as if he was choosing his words, or perhaps speechless…
He didn’t even have that expression when he told the truth just before I died.
What had happened to him in the last few years to make him look like that, truly, I was not at all,
‘Curious.‘
I was feigning distraction because his face wasn’t one I particularly wanted to see.
Then, Haen, who hadn’t been able to say a word the whole time, slumped onto the ground and asked.
“If I say I was wrong, will you come back?”
“If I forgive you, will I come back?”
“…Yes.”
That sentence was extremely interesting.
It clearly showed his implicit coercion for me to return, and his absolute certainty that I would still be willing to return to him.
The first thought that came to mind was ‘Nothing has changed’, and the next was ‘It’s not just his face that hasn’t changed’.
“Fine, let’s say I accept your apology. But if I did, why would you think I would return?”
“Well, the Teian Duchy is where you were born and raised, no matter what. If you come back, you can have a secure status, regardless of what anyone says.”
“And?”
“Everyone wants to apologize to you.”
“So?”
“…Don’t you want to be apologized to?”
Haen, who looked flustered by my indifferent reaction, asked hastily.
At his words, I conspicuously blinked, then laughed softly.
“My friend. You are still so, so aristocratic in many ways.”
“……”
“First of all, I have no intention of accepting an apology that is meant to put the apologizer’s mind at ease. Why should I, the victim, accept an apology so that the people who tormented me can feel better about themselves?”
“…But.”
“There is no but, Haen. I hope they flounder in their pathetic guilt for the rest of their lives.”
‘And that includes you, of course.’
* * *
