* * *
“…Yes, all done. Let’s go out when Hugo says the preparations are finished.”
The touch, dripping with lingering regret, withdrew.
Hesia smiled gently, speaking as if nothing had happened.
I nodded in reply, and soon after, a knock sounded.
“Your Highness, everything you requested has been prepared.”
At Hugo’s words, Hesia took my hand and left the room as if he had been waiting.
Hugo and a few attendants followed, each carrying a large basket.
As we passed window after window in the corridor, shadows repeatedly fell and disappeared over Hesia’s white face.
Hesia continued to converse in a soft voice, talking about things unrelated to what we had discussed in the room.
It was impossible not to notice that he was being careful not to make me uncomfortable.
I nodded occasionally to respond and followed Hesia’s pace.
Talking made the journey out of the castle feel quick.
I let go of Hesia’s hand and approached the horse that Hugo had instructed someone to prepare beforehand.
I gently stroked the horse, with the presence of others following behind me.
“It’s a beautiful horse.”
“These are the horses my grandmother gave me for my fifteenth birthday. They are brothers, and, what did she say? Anyway, she said they were famous horses with very good lineage.”
“Really?”
I knew Hesia was raised with love, but hearing it this way felt different.
An unexpected laugh mixed with relief escaped me.
“I should treat them carefully then. What are their names?”
Famous horses are often temperamental.
I asked, looking curiously at the horses that affectionately rubbed their heads against me.
“Well, ah.”
“Yes?”
“The one behind Vivi is Siyan.”
“Right, nice to meet you, Siyan.”
“The one in front is, …Vivi.”
“What? I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that, could you say it one more time?”
The horse with sleek black fur and striking blue eyes nudged my hand with its nose.
I couldn’t mistake the action for anything other than asking to be petted, so I smiled softly and gently scratched its bridge.
The black horse, apparently satisfied with my touch and not hearing its name, let out a loud snort.
I gasped in awe at its communication skills, which were on par with a human’s.
No, perhaps it communicated even better than a human.
While I was distracted, Hesia, who had been hesitating, leaned his head against my shoulder.
I was used to Hesia whining, so I tapped the top of Hesia’s head with the hand that wasn’t stroking the black horse.
“…It’s Vivi.”
“Ah, its name is Vivi. Right, nice to meet you, Vivi. Wait a minute, Vivi? …Vivi and Siyan? Vivi… Vivisian? Oh my god, Sia!”
I looked at Hesia with bewildered eyes, seeing that he had named the horses gifted by the Duke-King after me.
“Are you serious?”
“It’s true… Vivi, good boy.”
Hesia, who was muttering with pouting lips, soothed the ‘Vivi’ that was nibbling at his coat.
Despite a slight push, ‘Vivi’ obediently released his coat.
When Hesia said, “Good boy,” the fact that the horse’s name was ‘Vivi’ made me feel strangely uncomfortable.
“…‘Good boy’?”
“No, well, ah, Siyan, you want to leave right away? Haha, what a rascal. Alright, let’s go!”
Hesia, unsure of what to do, awkwardly shouted as he hastily mounted Siyan when the horse snorted and stamped its foot.
I watched him intently, then slowly shook my head.
“What on earth were you thinking to do something like this?”
“Because I like Vivi, of course. Vivi wasn’t here before.”
“Tsk.”
I clicked my tongue briefly, and Hesia immediately became docile again, as if he hadn’t been chattering a moment ago.
I looked at his young face, which kept glancing at me, with complicated eyes, and swallowed a sigh.
If I sighed now, Hesia would surely apologize tearfully.
“It’s alright. What good would it do to say anything now? You think so too, Vivi?”
I muttered to myself as I quickly mounted Vivi’s back.
I held the reins with one hand and lightly nudged the horse’s flank.
Even with that slight movement, Vivi understood my intention perfectly and began to run forward.
This was my first outing in a whole week, as it turned out.
I spurred the horse onward, basking in the sunlight pouring down from above.
I glanced at Hesia, who had pulled up alongside me, and then looked forward.
I pulled the reins slightly, and Vivi stopped running and started to trot gently.
“Ah, I feel great! Vivi, you feel good too, right? Right?”
Hesia seemed to have forgotten the scolding he just received, as he lingered near me, his clear face beaming with a full smile.
Yet, he handled his horse so well that Siyan obediently circled around me and Vivi.
Perhaps finding that bothersome, Vivi let out a long puff of air through his nose.
But Hesia and Siyan were Siameless.
No matter what Vivi did, they didn’t stop lingering around.
I looked at the sight with a bewildered expression, then stretched out my arm and poked Hesia’s forehead.
“It’s good. It’s good, so stop.”
At my words, Hesia became docile again, as if he had never been so distracting.
I looked at Hesia humming a lullaby with his eyes slightly lowered and brought up a thought I had been considering for a while.
“Should we sleep together sometimes?”
“…Huh?”
“I’m telling you I’ll give myself to you, Sia.”
It was a question I had been contemplating ever since we first got intimate.
I had told Hesia I would give him my entire remaining year, but I had surprisingly little to give him.
And since Hesia wanted everything from me, all that was left was my body.
“W-Why, why? …Really, why?”
“Just because. Do you dislike it? You were frantic about guiding me. You don’t seem that happy even when I lay out the welcome mat?”
Before I could say, ‘If you dislike it, then never mind’, Hesia abruptly thrust his head toward me.
And then swallowed my lips.
I instinctively tried to pull back from the soft sensation but stopped.
Moving carelessly on a horse would be the perfect way to fall off.
“Sha, no, Hesi, wait, hmm…”
I tried to tell him to stop because it was dangerous, but he kept biting my lips, making it impossible to continue speaking.
To top it off, he licked my lips and the corner of my mouth with his tongue, like a cat.
Like a boy having his first kiss, Hesia kissed me clumsily.
His body, tilted heavily toward me, was dangerously close to falling off the horse.
Even in such a risky position, like performing a stunt, Hesia didn’t take his lips away.
A sigh escaped me at Hesia’s persistent clinging, as if my lips were coated in honey.
And Hesia sweetly swallowed even the sigh I let out.
We kept our lips joined for a long time.
When I came to my senses, the horses had stopped in place, and the sun was slowly setting.
The burning red sun was etched on my retina.
Hesia, who repeatedly pressed and pulled his lips away from mine with the setting sun behind him, slowly pulled his head back.
“Don’t go back on your word.”
“I won’t. I wasn’t planning to say it like this, though. The truth is, I’ve been thinking about it for days.”
“…Then why did you say it so suddenly?”
“Because I dislike you calling yourself wicked. If I give you everything, then you’re not being greedy, are you? You’re asking for what’s rightfully yours.”
I whispered with a calm face, then lightly dismounted from the saddle.
I gently stroked Vivi’s nose and whispered softly.
“Wait here.”
Vivi nodded its head as if it understood me.
I smiled faintly at the sight, then slowly walked away.
Following closely, I heard the thud of a foot hitting the ground.
Hesia, who had also dismounted the horse to follow me, asked after a slight silence.
“Why are you doing so much for me?”
“Hesia, Sia, my Prince. You are the child I raised. You are the child who trusted me, and you saved me. You must not forget that.”
I slowly turned around.
I looked at Hesia with the sun behind me.
A breeze blew from somewhere.
My loosely tied hair swayed with the wind.
Hesia stared straight at me, seemingly unfazed by the dazzling sun.
The entire area was dyed red by the sunset.
Hesia’s clear face was stained red.
I couldn’t tell if it was due to the heat of his face or the sunset.
All I could tell right now was that Hesia was crying.
“Crying again?”
Hesia showed no reaction to my question, asked with a face stripped of its composure.
He just stared at me endlessly, as if he thought I might disappear if he touched me.
I raised my hand and stroked Hesia’s cheek, which was clearly marked with tear tracks.
In the moment of death I experienced eight years ago, I hadn’t thought of Hesia.
I don’t know what it was like during the death I experienced even before that.
But what was certain was that in the death that was not far away, I would unconditionally think of Hesia.
‘Will I be able to leave Hesia freely? Can I just leave without any lingering regrets? Will I be able to do that?’
This world has never loved me even once, and I have never loved this world even once, yet I ended up worrying like someone who fears death because they have too much to love.
It was strange.
I didn’t know why, but watching Hesia cry made my stomach churn.
“Don’t cry. When you cry, I don’t know what I should do.”
Hesia smiled with his face ruined by tears at my words, which I hesitantly spat out.
Whispering, “You don’t know that? Vivi is a fool.”
✽ ✽ ✽
Haen, who had been looking at the narrow window in the prison with a bored expression, lowered his gaze.
His eyes landed on Herel, who was sitting on the cold stone floor with an exhausted face.
“It’s already been a week. Do you still not intend to speak?”
Herel coughed dryly at the words tinged with slight annoyance, then grinned.
The only thing that could be read from his face was mockery.
Haen looked down at the face smiling with venom in his eyes, then turned away.
“Think carefully.”
“Eat shit!”
Herel laughed and shouted at his back in a cracking voice.
Haen quietly twisted his lips at the ridicule that echoed throughout the prison.
* * *
