* * *
Throughout his life, Julius had only received two kinds of looks.
The very first gaze he received was one of ‘disgust.’
It came from his parents, who looked at him as if he were a burdensome nuisance, even though they had brought him into the world.
Young Julius instinctively craved love from his parents.
He innocently hoped to be loved, not even realizing how his parents looked at him.
However, as if that wish were excessive, or perhaps unfitting for his place, what returned was his parents’ violence.
‘Someone like you should never have been born into this world.’
‘It’s terrifying just to look at your face.’
‘Giving birth to you was the biggest mistake of my life.’
‘The mere fact that you exist is a problem.’
The Marquis and Marchioness Renan denied Julius’s very existence.
Yet, he always followed behind his parents.
Because that was all he could do.
Even though he knew his parents disliked him, he firmly believed that one day, they would love him.
He realized this thought was a delusion around the age of ten.
A second child was born into the Marquis Renan family, and unlike Julius, the Marquis and Marchioness doted on this child immensely.
This child received naturally what Julius desperately wished for but could not obtain.
So, Julius asked his parents. Did they love that child?
The Marquis and Marchioness replied yes.
Julius asked again.
What was so different between him and that child that they hated him and loved the other?
Julius would never forget the answer that followed that question.
“Unlike you, this child resembles us.”
The young Julius, upon hearing those words, went into his room and quietly looked into the mirror.
Golden hair that shone like gold, and clear green eyes.
The child who received his parents’ love had the pink hair of his mother and the sky-blue eyes of his father.
They were different.
Julius didn’t resemble that child or his parents in the slightest.
From that day on, Julius began to search for the reason why he looked different from his parents.
And he discovered that his appearance originated from his paternal grandfather.
Young Julius ran to his parents and told them.
Since he resembled his mother’s father, he asked them to love him now, too.
Contrary to Julius’s expectation, his parents looked at him with even more repulsive eyes.
He realized too late that the two not only disliked but hated his paternal grandfather, but young Julius couldn’t understand.
The fact that he had to be hated, even though he hadn’t chosen to be born that way.
He couldn’t understand it, but that didn’t stop his parents’ abuse.
After that, he could no longer smile.
To be precise, he couldn’t feel any emotion anymore.
Since his very existence wasn’t acknowledged, how could trivial personal feelings be acknowledged?
Time passed, and he reached the age where he could participate in social circles. Instead of the disgust he constantly received in the Renan family, Julius received ‘favor’ for the first time.
The reason was simple: the appearance his parents hated was viewed by others as strikingly beautiful.
Even if he simply stood still, people gathered around him.
And they always said the same thing in unison.
That Julius’s appearance was like radiance.
That there was no one in the world who could dislike the Marquis’s son.
He was puzzled by the comments that completely contradicted his parents’ reactions, but he said nothing.
Then one day, a young lady approached him and asked:
“Lord Renan. Why do you never smile? If you smiled, people would like you even more.”
Julius denied this.
He had only ever been told his smile was creepy.
However, the people around them agreed with the lady, defending her words.
Julius couldn’t agree, but he forced a smile.
He was afraid that otherwise, they would also come to hate him like his parents.
But the reality was completely different from Julius’s prediction.
The more he smiled, the more people gathered by his side.
Although he didn’t understand why they liked it, Julius began to smile.
Because that was what made people like him.
Before long, Julius attained a prominent position in social circles.
Simply by smiling.
The Marquis and Marchioness’s hatred for Julius intensified further.
The reason was that he, not their beloved second son, monopolized people’s attention.
Julius smiled even in front of them.
However, unlike others, the Marquis and Marchioness recognized instantly that the smile was false.
Then, they immediately contorted their faces.
“It’s creepy, so don’t smile in front of me. Especially when it’s not a real smile.”
The Marquis and Marchioness looked at Julius as if he were an insect.
He was old enough to know that the emotion contained within was hatred and disgust.
He no longer paid any attention to his parents.
When more people than before favored Julius, the family vassals proposed that he be named the successor.
The Marquis and Marchioness refused, claiming the successor position belonged to the second son, but they couldn’t overcome the vassals’ opposition.
And so, he became the successor of the Renan family.
However, the Marquis did not willingly hand over the title.
That was when Julius realized his parents were his sole obstacle.
So, he arranged for his parents and brother to be killed, making it look as if they were attacked by assassins.
“You truly… should never have been born…”
Even as their lives ended, that was all his so-called parents uttered.
Because the only people who knew his true self were dead, Julius felt happiness for the first time.
Until Eren appeared.
The first time they met, Eren looked at him as if he knew the true face hidden behind his mask.
Because Eren was the only person besides his parents who looked at him with such a gaze, Julius began to regard Eren with suspicion.
However, Eren was too vulnerable for that to matter.
He was trembling violently despite his wary gaze, so frail that he looked like he would just die if Julius stepped on him.
Eren had the same kind of look as his parents, but he was a weaker being.
So much so that his desperate struggles were laughable.
That was when Julius started focusing his attention on Eren.
He wanted to torment him. He wanted to break him.
He wanted to see his eyes, full of disgust, turn to fear.
Just like the gaze directed at him on the day his parents died.
Only then did Julius realize why his heart had been empty until now.
He had killed too easily.
He should have watched them struggle uselessly in a swamp, but he had killed them too easily, which wasn’t fun.
But now, a replacement for his parents had appeared before his eyes.
The closer he got, the more Eren trembled with fear.
As if he knew what Julius would do.
Watching that sight was quite enjoyable.
As Julius watched Eren steeped in fear, his empty heart began to fill little by little.
The weak always fear the strong.
This was Julius’s unwavering belief.
So, he thought Eren would fear him until his death.
But something changed. In just a few months, Eren’s gaze was no longer fearful, but filled only with hatred.
Eren, who had become like his parents, was useless.
So, Julius decided to bring back the fear Eren once felt.
That was why he helped Carlyle, who intended to become Ashard Fridit.
If he killed Carlyle while he was disguised as Ashard, Eren, who would firmly believe that Ashard was dead, would fear him again.
There was only one reason why he intended to kill Carlyle, not Ashard, from the start.
Because despair is deepest when it follows hope.
The hope that Ashard was alive, and then immediately eliminating that hope, would surely break Eren.
That was what Julius wanted.
To do that, Ashard Fridit was necessary.
Because he had to kill him right in front of Eren’s eyes.
There was no need to lure him.
Since Carlyle had hidden Eren, Ashard was already actively searching for him.
All Julius had to do was subtly leak Eren’s location.
“Don’t look at me like that. I might want to gouge those eyes out right now.”
Julius smiled and willingly released Eren.
Eren backed away, putting distance between them, as if warning him not to approach.
‘I must not be close to that man.’
But Julius began to move closer, as if he wouldn’t allow it.
“By the way, who were you talking to inside, Count? There’s no one in there.”
“…”
“Ah, or was it that person? The voice that spoke to the Count on the day of the hunting competition.”
* * *
