* * *
The season had now become the dead of winter, with a biting, cold wind.
A month had already passed since Joowon and Jiwoon officially began dating.
On the surface, Cha Joowon’s life seemed perfect.
He was still the CEO of CS Design, and he had a young, beautiful Omega lover by his side.
Everyone who knew him praised him, saying he was finally complete, that he was finally acting like a dominant Alpha.
Surrounded by countless compliments and praise, Joowon tried his best.
He tried to erase the past and be faithful to the present.
After starting his relationship with Jiwoon, he consciously spent more time with him.
On weekends, he would take Jiwoon to art museums or trendy restaurants he wanted to visit, and they would make time for dates even on weekday evenings.
Jiwoon was always bright and affectionate by his side.
He always checked Joowon’s mood, listened to his words, and knew how to respond in the way an Alpha desired.
In particular, communication through pheromones provided a convenience and immediate sense of stability that Joowon had not experienced in the past eight years.
They could confirm each other’s status and exchange comfort without complicated words or emotional exhaustion.
And more than anything, the nights were different.
Jiwoon’s sweet, ripe fruit-like pheromones unrestrainedly stimulated Joowon’s Alpha instinct, and the Omega’s soft, flexible body offered a kind of dizzying, intense pleasure he had never experienced before.
Ecstatic hours spent with a beautiful Omega.
In those moments, holding a desirable body, leaving marks, and intoxicating themselves with each other’s breath, he could forget everything, if only for a moment.
Joowon desperately tried to convince himself that this was the ‘natural’ relationship between an Alpha and an Omega, and that this was proof he had returned to ‘normal.’
Yes, this was the right way.
Thinking so, he tried to focus entirely on his relationship with Jiwoon.
But despite his efforts, a subtle discomfort in a corner of his mind did not disappear.
The unidentifiable headaches and insomnia persisted, and in the nightmares he occasionally had, he would either frantically run away from something unknown or plummet into endless darkness.
When he woke from a dream, his heart was always beating anxiously, and his whole body was drenched in cold sweat.
The more he tried to find the cause, the more Yoonwoo ’s face kept flashing into his mind.
He tried desperately to erase that face.
He convinced himself that all this confusion was merely due to the recently precarious state of his company.
He argued that it couldn’t be because of Yoonwoo.
Then, one evening, Jiwoon led Joowon to a high-end restaurant in Gangnam, saying, “Hyung, I booked an absolutely amazing place today!”
Joowon followed him without much thought, given Jiwoon’s extra excitement.
But the moment he stepped into the restaurant entrance, Joowon involuntarily flinched and stopped.
The flashy chandelier, the glittering tableware, the quiet and elegant atmosphere. It was a familiar space. This place was….
Several months ago, on the very day he returned after his rut, he had brought a worried Yoonwoo here to appease him.
And on a single phone call from Jiwoon, he had unhesitatingly abandoned Yoonwoo alone and rushed to Jiwoon.
What was Yoonwoo ’s expression like then?
Strangely, he couldn’t quite remember.
At the time, he must have been too excited by Jiwoon’s call, or too busy concealing his guilt, to properly look at Yoonwoo ’s expression.
He frowned at the discomfort the space brought him, along with a vague sense of guilt over his past actions.
That guilt triggered another memory.
Seoyeon’s angry voice.
‘What did you do to him to make him look like that? His wrist and side are covered in dark bruises!’
The slender wrist of Yoonwoo he had roughly pushed away on the day of the breakup.
A wrist that was vital to him as a designer.
Would he be okay?
Was it still hurting?
Was he taking his medicine properly?
The fact that he didn’t even know where or how Yoonwoo was living now made him even more anxious.
But he soon shook his head.
It was already in the past, and it no longer concerned him.
“Hyung? What’s wrong? You don’t like it here?”
Jiwoon asked worriedly, checking his expression.
“…No. I like it. I like it very much.”
Joowon managed to hide his uncomfortable feelings and offered an awkward smile.
‘Please just forget Yoonwoo now. Stop thinking about him. Your lover is Jiwoon.’
Joowon blamed himself for thinking of Yoonwoo again and tried hard to focus on Jiwoon in front of him.
But even throughout the meal, his past memories and current discomfort were tangled in his mind.
Even after returning home, Joowon’s heart was uneasy.
As he sat on the living room sofa, drinking whiskey, Jiwoon approached and asked.
“Hyung, when can I move in? It’s already been a month since we started dating, we should move in together soon! I don’t have much stuff, I can even move in tomorrow!”
He looked at Joowon with expectant eyes.
At his words, Joowon’s heart gave a small thump.
He vividly recalled the day, long ago on a particularly sunny spring day, when Yoonwoo moved from his tiny studio apartment into Joowon’s officetel.
A few small boxes containing simple clothes and a worn sketchpad.
That was all his luggage.
But his face was full of excitement and hope, as if he owned the world.
“We finally have our own place.”
His voice, shyly smiling as he spoke.
The peaceful and comfortable moments when his empty space was slowly filled by Yoonwoo ‘s touch, his simple items reflecting his taste, and above all, his warm presence.
Back then, Joowon had vaguely felt the meaning of the word ‘happiness’ for the first time.
A sense of fulfillment and stability he wouldn’t trade for anything.
But why couldn’t he feel that same peace now, when he was with Jiwoon?
Why did a corner of his heart still feel empty, cold, and painful even by his side?
Joowon couldn’t find the reason.
No, he didn’t want to know the reason. He felt a terrible, heart-wrenching longing once again.
“…Yeah. You should move in quickly. Move in this weekend.”
Joowon desperately concealed his true feelings and managed a sweet smile as he answered kindly.
Perhaps if he formed a deeper bond with Jiwoon, he could regain the stability he felt with Yoonwoo.
If so, he needed to grow closer to Jiwoon as soon as possible.
“Really, Hyung?! This weekend? Wow! That’s wonderful!”
Unconcealed joy bloomed on Jiwoon’s face.
To eliminate the throbbing pain and the memory of Yoonwoo that kept surfacing, Joowon kissed Jiwoon’s lips with an almost desperate intensity.
He wanted to forget the one person who kept confusing his mind, he wanted to escape from this painful emotion.
Joowon explored Jiwoon’s lips roughly, as if he didn’t want to think any longer.
His tongue searched Jiwoon’s mouth, and his hands tightly wrapped around his waist, pulling their bodies closer.
He wanted to empty his mind.
As if only the sensation of this moment, this intense physical indulgence, could save him.
His kiss was desperate and closer to an escape than an expression of possessiveness, yet on the surface, he looked like a passionate lover.
Jiwoon was surprised by his sudden and somewhat rough kiss, but happily wrapped his arms around Joowon’s neck.
And he subtly released a sweet Omega pheromone, heated with excitement.
As the scent enveloped Joowon’s nose, Jiwoon’s pheromones both paralyzed his reason and awakened the primal desire deep within his body.
The animalistic, intense attraction he had never felt in his relationship with Yoonwoo.
He just wanted to completely surrender himself to this sweet poison, to Jiwoon’s hot breath and soft skin.
As this night deepened, his pleasure would grow more profound.
And the memory of Yoonwoo would fade, just for a moment, a very short moment.
A strange stability, the only anesthetic that could help him escape from the painful reality.
Trying to focus only on the sensation of this moment, only on this sweet anesthetic, he started undressing Jiwoon.
The next morning. Joowon woke up, as usual, with a splitting headache.
Next to him, Jiwoon was sound asleep, naked.
But his pheromone-emitting presence no longer offered Joowon comfort.
He quietly slipped out of bed, splashed his face with cold water, and brewed coffee.
Even amid the warm coffee aroma, Yoonwoo ’s face reappeared in his mind.
‘I wonder where he is and what he’s doing now.’
Unconsciously, he impulsively picked up his phone and dialed Yoonwoo ’s number.
A futile, hopeful expectation.
But all he heard was the cold, automated voice.
[The customer you are calling cannot be reached. Please try again later.]
The message came immediately without a connection tone.
The meaning was clear.
He had blocked his number.
He gave a self-mocking laugh and was about to put the phone down, but his finger moved on its own to find Seoyeon’s number.
But again, only the same automated message repeated.
She, too, had completely blocked him.
Now, there was truly no tie left between him and Yoonwoo.
“…What are you doing now? Pathetic.”
He muttered to himself with self-contempt, staring at the empty living room.
He tried hard to erase thoughts of Yoonwoo from his mind and returned to the bedroom.
And he kissed Jiwoon’s pale, smooth shoulder, still asleep.
If he didn’t do something, he felt he would be dominated by thoughts of Yoonwoo again.
“Haha, Hyung, I’m not a baby, why are you being so clingy since yesterday?”
His action woke Jiwoon, who made a playful, laughing sound.
Joowon once again inhaled deeply the scent of the Omega pheromones Jiwoon was emitting.
And he repeated to himself, even more strongly, like chanting a spell.
‘I didn’t do anything wrong. This is the right thing. I had no choice. An Alpha must be with an Omega. Only then is it stable, and it’s the natural order. I made the right choice. So please… please stop thinking about Seo Yoonwoo.’
And so, he hid himself once more behind the sturdy fortress of self-justification he had created.
But his eyes were still shaking, empty and lost.
* * *
