* * *
Even after Dojin quietly closed the door and left, Yoonwoo sat motionless at the untouched dining table for a long time.
The room was filled only with the faint smell of the still-slightly-warm abalone porridge, the chilling night air, and a heavy silence that seemed to swallow everything.
Only the faint sound of the sharp winter wind could be heard from outside the window, and moonlight streamed in, casting a long, lonely shadow on the floor.
He repeated Dojin’s words in his mind countless times, trying to decipher them as if they were a foreign language.
‘The true self of that person beyond their secondary gender… I believe that if you recognize and respect their unique garden, you won’t be easily swept away by the raging waves of instinct…. At least, I want to be that way.’
The voice was undeniably sincere.
His steady eyes seemed to hold no pretense or lie. Such pure and upright belief.
Maybe, just maybe, as Dojin said, relationships beyond the confines of secondary gender could exist in the world.
The thought that what he called ‘love that overcomes instinct’ might actually be possible.
A light, faint as dust, seemed to rise for a moment in the darkness of his vast despair.
Yes, maybe he was right.
There was a flicker of hope that Dojin might truly be different.
But that fleeting hope was instantly shattered by the sharp shards of memory.
Joowon’s face, from the autumn when they first met at age twenty-three, came to mind.
He had said similar things.
He had shielded Yoonwoo from the world’s prejudice, treated him naturally despite him being a Beta, and whispered that he loved ‘Seo Yoonwoo ‘ the person, not just the secondary gender.
His confident voice, claiming ‘you are the only one in my world,’ his willingness to take suppressants for him during every rut, the countless nights they promised a future while building their company together.
Yoonwoo had believed all of it was real.
He hadn’t doubted it once during those eight long years.
His world was solidly built around the Alpha, Cha Joowon.
And yet, what did Joowon do?
Didn’t he toss aside eight years of dedication like a piece of trash in the face of just one rut and a strange Omega whose name Yoonwoo didn’t even know?
His cruel eyes, which looked at him like an insect, pushing him away in the hotel room; his cold voice, saying, ‘One night with an Omega was better than eight years with you.’
Those memories returned like a vivid nightmare, making goosebumps erupt all over Yoonwoo ‘s body.
No matter how kind and sincere they might seem, an Alpha was, in the end, an Alpha.
‘Was complete love truly impossible between a secondary gender and a non-secondary gender?’
The question he had asked himself countlessly in Seoul and in Jeju.
That same question, which he had never found a clear answer to, once again ripped through his mind.
It must be impossible.
He answered himself.
No matter how much he struggled or tried, his limitation as a Beta was clear.
A half-baked existence who couldn’t communicate with pheromones or go through a rut with his partner.
Just as Joowon did, everyone would eventually turn their backs on his ‘inadequacy.’
In Yoonwoo ‘s mind, Joowon’s shouts from the night of their breakup played ceaselessly like a broken cassette.
“I also… want to have a proper relationship now! Like other Alphas, I want to meet an Omega, feel pheromones, and have a stable relationship… I want to have that! I’m sick of people whispering behind my back every time I say I’m dating a Beta, and I can’t stand having to take suppressants during every rut anymore! I want to communicate with my lover through pheromones. But you can’t do that. And you will never understand my feelings, my pain, for the rest of your life!”
Listening to Joowon’s shouts echoing in his mind, his eyes, staring at the bowl of cold porridge, were once again filled with deep, dark despair.
The small spark of hope that had tried to ignite was coldly extinguished again.
He felt nothing.
Only a terrible fatigue and a piercing loneliness clung to his existence.
He crawled onto the bed and pulled the blanket over his head.
Like a child, believing he could escape the painful reality if he hid under the covers.
The silence in the room made his ears feel dull.
Meanwhile, Dojin’s heart, washing the empty bowls in the kitchen, was equally heavy.
Even with his hands submerged in warm water, scrubbing the dishes, his mind was completely preoccupied with thoughts of Yoonwoo.
Yoonwoo’s last words.
“When you meet an Omega, your mind will change.”
The deep resignation and distrust contained in that short phrase were stuck in Dojin’s heart like a thorn that wouldn’t come out.
The cynicism and resignation felt chilling, as if predicting his own future.
The despair that, no matter how sincere he was, Yoonwoo would ultimately not be able to trust him.
His vacant eyes, his voice that trembled faintly, his expression that looked like he had given up on everything.
It hurt him that his sincere words didn’t seem to offer Yoonwoo even the slightest comfort.
How deep and devastating must his wound be, for such a beautiful person to be so broken?
The glimpses of Yoonwoo over the past two and a half months came back to him.
The stifled sobs faintly leaking from the room, the bowls of porridge that had dried up, barely touched, the precarious figure staring endlessly at the sea with empty eyes.
All of it spoke of the depth of the wound he carried.
Beyond pity, anger flared up toward the person who had caused him so much pain.
But Yoonwoo ’s question and cynical response were also directed at Dojin.
‘I’m a dominant Alpha too… can I really be different?’
He asked himself.
Of course, he believed firmly that he would be different, and he had to be.
He thought that Yoonwoo the person was far more precious and important to him than things like pheromones or secondary gender.
His talent, the small smile he showed, his kind heart that couldn’t ignore a small life despite being too exhausted even to care for himself because of his deep wounds.
All of it drew Dojin’s heart strongly.
But recalling Yoonwoo ’s despairing eyes and his convinced, cynical words, Dojin realized how fragile his belief in ‘I am different’ could feel.
Would he truly be resolute in the face of the Alpha instinct that surely existed within him?
How could he promise he wouldn’t disappoint Yoonwoo in the way he so feared?
Dojin dried his wet hands on a towel and walked out to the yard.
The cold night air seemed to cool his heated head.
The stars in the night sky were particularly bright, and the rhythmic sound of waves crashing in the distance soothed his complicated mind.
He stared for a long time at Yoonwoo ‘s firmly closed door.
A sharp ache resonated in his chest, thinking of the person alone inside.
Dojin wanted to comfort him.
He wanted to embrace his wounds.
He wanted to open his closed heart and tell him he wasn’t alone, that he was more than worthy of love.
But there was nothing he could do right now.
Dojin knew well that premature comfort or promises would only deepen his distrust.
Yoonwooneeded time, and Dojin needed to prove himself.
Not with verbal promises or resolutions, but with steady daily actions and an unchanging attitude, he had to show that he was not the kind of Alpha Yoonwoo feared.
To not rashly try to open his closed heart, but to always stay by his side, ready to greet him the moment he chose to open the door himself.
To silently wait for him until he found the courage to step back out into the world.
That was all he could do now.
He had a premonition that the path would not be easy.
He felt stifled.
He wanted to rush into Yoonwoo ’s room, hold him, and comfort him.
He wanted to shout that it was okay, that he would be right there.
But the reality that he couldn’t do that weighed heavily on Dojin’s chest.
Uncontrollable energy seemed to boil within him.
He couldn’t stand in the yard any longer.
He impulsively opened the guesthouse gate and rushed out.
Toward the night Sagye Beach.
The cold night wind struck his face.
He ran without thinking.
He ran wildly along the black sand, following the breaking waves.
His lungs were burning, and his legs felt like they would give out, but he didn’t stop.
The heartache for Yoonwoo , the anger toward the person who broke him, the frustration with himself for being unable to do anything.
He ran and ran, pouring all those emotions out onto the sand beneath his feet.
After running for a long time, he finally stopped and gasped for breath.
Sweaty hair stuck to his forehead.
He stared at the dark night sea.
White-crested waves crashed and receded endlessly under the moonlight.
The run hadn’t completely calmed his mind, but the surging emotions seemed to have settled a little.
‘Yes, don’t be impatient.’
He promised himself once more.
Even if it takes time, he would definitely earn his trust.
He would open his closed heart and help him find genuine comfort and happiness.
Dojin went back to his room after lingering briefly in front of Yoonwoo ’s door, without even thinking of changing his sweat-soaked clothes.
The night in Jeju deepened further amid Yoonwoo ’s despair and Dojin’s deep contemplation about his own feelings.
* * *
